I’m slowly fixing myself. It isn’t easy, but I wanted you to know that I am. It’s been 6 months since our break up. Six. Long. Months. Six months of you telling me to kill myself and that you hated me. Six months of you harassing me, my family and friends. Six months of me blocking you on every type of social media because you always found a way to reach out to me. Six months of going to the police and campus security in tears begging for help. Six months of me crawling back to you because I was afraid of you. Yes, afraid of you. Afraid that you were going to hurt me more. Crazy, right? Thinking staying with you would fix the situation.
It didn't.
You never hit me, but the way you talked to me was much worse. I was your puppet; I did anything for you. I sometimes wish you did hit me instead of the things you said to me, because that would have been more bearable.
I did love you. But I was also naïve and attached to you. For two years. But you changed. You turned into an abusive, hurtful monster and I was brainwashed by you. In the beginning of the semester, I would stay in some nights because you would convince me that my roommates were bad influences and that they were bad people to be around just because you didn’t want me going out. I couldn’t have guy friends or you would scream at me and tell me I’m a whore. I couldn’t post pictures of myself on Instagram because I was just seeking attention. I couldn’t try out for the cheerleading team at my University because you were convinced all guys would have their eyes on me and that again, I was doing it for attention. I had to share my location with you, so you knew where I was at all times. I even had to send you pictures of where I was because you never trusted me. But, I still loved you. And I regret it everyday that I let someone bring me that low.
Even though I don’t want to thank you, I will. But let me make it clear that I will never ever forgive you. Thank you for making me a strong person. Thank you for teaching me to love myself and how to stand up for myself. Thank you for making me realize that I deserved better and that I was good enough for this world. Thank you for letting me finally find a guy who treats with the most respect. Thank you for teaching me the difference between love and possession. I am done letting you ruin my self confidence. And most importantly, I’m done being depressed over what you did to me. You are a horrible person and deserve the worst. I’m finally out of my dark place that you kept me in and I’m ready to let my light shine, the one you never let me show.
So I hope it hurts to see me happy. I hope it makes your stomach turn, your head hurt and your palms clammy. Because of you, I will never accept anything less than what I deserve.
I owe you absolutely nothing, but I owe myself the world.
Sincerely, the girl you should have treated better and who is better off without you.
