To The Boy Who Made Me Realize I Deserve Better,
It’s funny how we ended up where we are now, isn’t it? When we first met, I wasn’t looking for a relationship and I especially wasn’t looking to fall in love but like most things in my life, you came out of nowhere.
You came into my life and swept me off my feet. You knew exactly what to say and exactly when to say it. Being with you was like being with my best friend and boyfriend all in one. I thought you were everything I had ever hoped for in a guy. You told me you weren’t like the others and I believed you. The joke was on me I guess.
When I fell for you, I fell HARD. I did everything for you. I took care of you when the alcohol became too much for you to handle. I took you wherever you needed to go. I paid for the things I wanted to go and do simply because I felt terrible making you pay. I stopped talking to my friends for you and whoever else you asked me to ignore. I was even willing to be with you when you left for the Navy but that wasn’t enough for you was it? I did anything for you and I thought you would’ve done anything for me. I was wrong.
As our relationship continued, you started getting distant. You went from doing everything in your power to make me feel wanted and loved, to making me feel like I was the biggest bother in your life. I would ask you if we were okay and if there was someone else and because you were so good with words, I’d believe you when you told me we were fine and that I was the only one.
I’ve always heard the saying, “If he knows exactly what to say, he’s said it to someone else before” but I never thought about that when it came to you. Looking back on it now, I guess it shouldn’t have surprised me when I found out that you were saying everything you said to me to other girls.
I loved you so much that I continued to stay. I stayed and tried even when everyone told me I should leave. I tried even when you weren’t. You gave up. You gave up when you should’ve tried harder. I needed reassurance that I was the only girl you were talking to after that and you couldn’t even give me that.
We constantly argued. The amount of love I had for you just didn’t seem to be enough. Even though we were trying to fix us and make us better, you were still seeking attention from other girls. I was so confused. Why wasn’t my love enough for you? Why wasn’t being with only me good enough for you?
Finally, you left me. You gave completely up and just left. You couldn’t wait until I came home from school that weekend to talk, you left me through a text message. I’ve had my heartbroken before but for some reason, this time hurt far worse than any other. I didn’t understand how someone who said they loved me could just give up and leave so easily. But you never actually loved me, did you?
If you truly loved me, you would’ve stayed. You would’ve fought for me the way I fought for you time after time. You wouldn’t have felt the need to seek out attention from other girls when I was there trying to give you all mine. If you loved me, you wouldn’t have done half the shit you did.
It took me awhile to realize that I deserve better. I deserve someone who actually loves me, who will make me feel wanted. I deserve someone who appreciates everything I do for them no matter how small it is. I deserve someone who doesn’t give up on me when things get hard. I deserve a guy that only wants to be with me. I deserve someone who gives a damn.
I’m not mad at you anymore. I don’t hate you. Quite the opposite actually – I want to thank you. Thank you for lying and cheating. Thank you for making me realize I shouldn’t settle just because I’m in love. Thank you for making me realize that my worth and what I deserve doesn’t lessen just because someone can’t see it.
Sincerely,
The Girl You'll Regret Losing
