To the boy who made me feel less.

I can't thank you. I'm too stubborn and too indifferent. I'm also not sure I'm ready to. I hope one day I can forgive you and, more importantly, forgive myself. You didn't take anything from me nor did you take a part of me. You made me feel less. Less of a person. Less confident, less sure about who I am and what I want from life, even what I want from other people. That's worse than any part of me being taken by some boy.

I believed in you. I believed in us. What we could be, what was going to happen to us, I really believed in you. You slowly made your way into my life. You gained my trust, you gained my soul, my thoughts, my laughter. You gained my happiness. You were a breath of fresh air. It felt so good to breathe again. It felt good to know someone wanted me to breathe again.

But, no matter how many times it plays over in my head, I still didn't know what was worse. The months and months of back and forth, or your words that never met your actions. I made excuses for you. I ignored my intuition. I ignored my mom, even. My mom didn't like you, and she really does like everyone.

I had such high hopes for us. I had never wanted to be with someone as bad as I had wanted to be with you. I put all my efforts into you. You were all I thought about. I put my life on hold for you as well as my education, even who I was, for you. I think that's what gets me most. Things became so toxic between us and I didn't recognize myself or you. I didn't know how to get out... Or I didn't want to.

I stopped loving who I was because you put me in a corner and just left me there. You never wanted to fully commit to me, but you kept me around because you knew the things to say that would make me want to stay. You wanted me to be okay with settling for you, or settling for less. That's the moment I felt less and really thought I was less. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about how good it was between us before everything went bad, but I don't know you now and I don't want to.

I still think to myself that I could've done more. I could've done something better, for us to work. For us to finally be together. Nothing would've changed the fiery crash that was coming for us. In the end, I couldn't make you want me more than you already did, and even then that wasn't enough. I couldn't make you do anything and that was a harsh reality for me to realize. I could only make myself walk away.

And I did.

It didn't hurt any more or any less when I decided to. I'm human. I'd dwell and beat myself up for leaving, I still do. I didn't know If I had made the right decision because I was going to get hurt no matter what happened. I'm grieving someone I used to know because I don't know them now. I know that time is taking its course and I'll come to terms with forgiving myself and you, but I still need time myself. And that's okay.

My mom said it best. Well, she always does. She told me you were my snake, that everyone has at least one. I know I have a good head on my shoulders and I'm cautious with my heart and soul. I really thought I was with you. I didn't think you were a snake. But as months went on, I saw your true colors. I just figured you were a snake who wouldn't bite. I just figured you wouldn't bite me. That's a harsh reality for me to realize that you did. I have to live with it, but I will also grow from this experience too.

A snake is a snake and it will bite.