Dear Boy Who Hurt Me Over and Over Again,
You might know who you are, you might not. Of course I want to think that you’ll know, but another part of me doesn’t think you care enough or even realize that it’s you. And to be honest, why should you care? I’m the one that kept letting you hurt me, over and over again. I had to defend your actions to my friends, and sometimes even to myself.
“He didn’t mean it, he’s upset/angry/with his friends/drunk/high/(whatever excuse).”
My only question to you would be, why me? Why? Why keep doing it to me? Why would you purposely do this to me when the whole time you said I was your friend and that you cared about me? All I ever did was fall for you.
I fell for you when you let me sleep on you and had me play with your hair. I fell for you when you gave me your number, and we started texting all the time. I fell for you when you jumped in my selfies and demanded to take pictures. I fell for you when we got dinner, lunch, and breakfast. I fell for you sitting next to you in my car with you singing and dancing. I fell for you when you would call me at night to talk about life. I fell for you when you cried in front of me and cuddled with me. I fell for you when you gave me your jacket, when you didn’t care that anyone knew that we were whatever we were. I fell for you when every time we hung out. You just had to take a picture of me and send it to everyone. I fell for you when you texted me first, Snapchatted me over and over, or noticed something I did online. I fell for you when you shared your music with me, and now every time I hear that album my mind goes to you.
But, I also fell for you when you told me about you and other girls. No matter how hard I tried not to, I fell for you when you told me that you weren’t looking for a relationship, and that all you do is use girls. I fell for you when you told me the offensive and awful reason you hadn’t made a move. I fell for you when you asked me if I had any ‘hot friends’ for you. I fell for you every time you ignored me, or every time you sent me pictures of you with other girls. I fell for you when you told me that you weren’t interested, but then would do boyfriend things. I fell for you when you played with my emotions, and said things just to get a reaction out of me. I fell for you when I found out that you told a bunch of our friends my secrets. I still fell for you, as I wrote about all the times I shouldn’t have fallen for you.
So this is me, saying the same thing I’ve been indirectly saying this entire time over and over again. I’m done falling for you and all the things that you do to hurt me. Well, I want to say I’m done, but I’m sure you’ll look at me a certain way and all of this will have been for nothing. I never thought I’d be one of those girls desperately clinging to the idea that maybe one day the boy who isn’t even that nice will love me, but then I met you. I lowered my standards for boys, and even worse, for myself. I may always have a soft spot for you, but I’m done letting it dictate how I act, what I do, and how I feel about myself. I wish things had been different, I wish you would’ve let me in, or actually acted on your feelings, but I guess you couldn’t handle it. Or maybe you actually didn’t like me, and you didn’t care about my feelings. Either way, I’m tired of being your emotional punching bag, your on-call girlfriend, and being in a friendship that goes only one way.
From,
The Girl Who You Pushed to The Limit in Second Chances
