We've all had our first love, whether it ended in tears, or it ended in happiness. At this point in our lives, we've all experienced some sort of love. Sometimes you think you found the person you love, and they turn out to be everything you said you never wanted. And sometimes you've found your love — your heart and soul, your everything. But for those of us who loved and lost, this one's for you.
To the boy I first loved:
You're probably over there thinking about me, how I have so many tears in my eyes that I can barely blink. How I breathe in so deep just to have my lungs collapse within me. But honestly I'm doing just fine. Not a single tear has fallen from my eye, not even one since you said goodbye. You were the first boy I've ever loved, and there's no way to fix what's already been done.
And you're probably out there, wherever you are, getting with someone who doesn't even know your heart. And she doesn't want to because she doesn't care. And all that doesn't matter, as your running your fingers through her hair. But I bet she's beautiful and you tell her that every day; "you're beautiful and perfect." I remember everything you used to say. Things are different now. We're so far apart. I never pictured that you would break my heart. But you did and you tore it from my chest. It's broken all its pieces and I'm afraid to lose the rest.
But I wonder how you're doing and what you've been up to. Do you ever sit back and think of me? Do you ever think of things differently? Has your heart ever been broken before? Shattered to nothing and searching for pieces on the floor? Can you see what you did to me? I gave you all that was left of me. You might have broken my heart, but you didn't break who I am. You would think you did as everything I've ever wanted was torn from my hands. But instead I've learned from you. I learned that not everything someone says is the truth. I learned sometimes everything you think you want ends up to be the complete opposite. I've learned that everything you've ever loved can be ripped from your hands in an instant, no matter how tightly you hold on.
I've learned to let go.
But sometimes my mind finds its way back to you. Are you happy with someone new? And if you are then I'm happy too. I miss you every now and then, and I wish we could go back to being friends. Laughing isn't like it used to be and our inside jokes just aren't funny. Sometimes the memories just bring me down, and I haven't really smiled the same since you haven't been around.
To the man who broke my heart, thank you. Thank you for the laughs and all the memories. Thank you for showing me what love isn't. Thank you for allowing me to learn that I can completely make it all on my own.
With love,
The girl who is picking up the pieces
