An Open Letter To The Boy I Fell For Unexpectedly

We aren't in a relationship. You don't need to respond to my texts or bring me flowers once a month. You don't need to spend every free moment with me or kiss me goodbye. But, we also aren't "just friends." We lay somewhere in between the two. We're neither black or white, off or on or asleep or awake. We lay in between it all.

It's crazy how it happened. At first it was just two old friends reconnecting. We didn't think anything of it and we knew that we never worked out in the past, so why would we now. Yet, we always find out way back to each other, even after two years of knowing each other. The thing is, I got so used to you leaving after a short amount of time, but this time you didn't. This time was different. You stayed and stayed long enough for me to fall for you. And God, I fell hard.

I fell for you even though I kept telling myself I wouldn't. I fell for you even though we both had other people at the time and weren't each other's "first choice." I fell for the way you love to sing at the top of your lungs while driving down the highway. Between all of the trips to Disney and every moment in between, I fell head over heels.

You fell for me, too. You told me that you've been crazy for me ever since we started talking again. You fell for my "cute" self and "great personality." Yet, you never told me. Every time I would bring up dating or feelings, you would either say no or deny it. Again, you've told me countless amounts of times that you didn't want a relationship. Why? Why would you say something you truly didn't mean?

What sucks the most though is that we will never get to see where this will take us. We've screwed up so much in the past that it feels like the universe is against us. It sucks, because after it all and heartbreak after heartbreak, I still wanted it to be you. I still wanted you to be the one I tell all my secrets to. The one I can go to when I'm having a bad day. The one that I can count on for everything. But unfortunately, you can't. Now, we're both just kinda left with all of these memories and all of these feelings.

I didn't expect to fall for you. I really didn't. But after it all, I'm still glad I did.