Dear Punxsutawney Phil,

You have some explaining to do. It seems a little off that you have only failed to see your shadow 18 times in 130 Groundhog Days. That just doesn't add up. Have you ever considered that maybe you see your shadow because of all of the cameras flashing? It is a possibility, you know.

You seeing your shadow crushes the dreams of many Americans each year. Would it hurt to pretend there isn't a shadow every once in a while? All Americans need is a little glimpse of hope. Even false hope will do.

I know you are held to a standard. But honestly, your statistics aren't that great. You have been proven correct 39% of the time. Maybe that false hope could help your statistics. It is worth a shot.

All I (and most Americans) want is for a little warmth. Is that too much to ask? Your holiday is becoming one with days like Friday the 13th and any woman's 30th birthday. Dreadful. All I am doing is trying to help you become more well liked, as well as making all Americans in just a slightly better mood.

I know you have your own things to worry about and people to please, but please, from most of us out here freezing in the winter winds, don't see your shadow next year.

Sincerely,

Your fans