Dear One Time Things,
You and this super cute girl are at this party and spot each other. Now, for this story, we’ll throw it back to 2004 with an homage to Green Day and call her Extraordinary Girl. She starts to talk to you. Respond, you dumb idiot! You two start talking on the couch, and all of a sudden, your arm has an out-of-body experience and goes around her, hoping she’s not thinking that you’re Buffalo Bill from “Silence of the Lambs,” wanting to make her into a skin suit. Good job for not being repulsive to the members of the opposite sex!
As the conversation progresses, you have the internal debate of getting a couple of drinks in you. If you do, you’ll become Captain Drunkypants of the SS "No Cuddles For You". We’ve all been there, once or twice.
After the couch-talking session, you both get up and join people outside. You and her eat, play beer pong, cuddle, and repeat. After you kick some ass at beer pong and break some hearts (sorry, friend who smells like a patchouli fart and wears vegan footwear), you and her go near the landing of the stairs, while you stare into her sparkling blue eyes. She’ll talk about her aspirations, puppies and her weird ability to lick her elbow and literally, you won't stop staring at her eyes. They’re the brightest shade of blue you've ever seen. It's awe-inspiring.
The conversation continues, and you and her flirt up a storm. She whispers something in your ear, grabs your hand, goes upstairs and finds an open room. While I won’t go into excruciating detail about what happens, cause neither of you kiss and tell, all you need to know is that you both had a good time and a new respect for the episode of "Friends" where Ross gets pissed about someone eating his sandwich. After finishing that episode, you and her are cuddling when she says: “Just so you know: this is just a one-time thing. That cool?”
If your heart is Leo DiCaprio, then this was Matthew McConaughey getting the Oscar for "Dallas Buyers Club." You're shattered.
You’ll have these moments during your 20-somethinghood. How do you cope? First of all, don’t you ever think that you’re just someone’s “one-time thing.” That’s garbage. You’re good enough for someone. Don’t let them jerk you around constantly. You know the adage: fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. If they pull the “one-time thing” card, let that sink in and act accordingly.
Secondly, your ego and self-confidence will take a real bruising. It’s natural. You'll live. Don’t even for a second believe that the cure for your broken heart is three-buck Chuck and '90s sitcoms, as mentioned. News flash: it isn’t. The best way to deal with being a “one-time thing” is to know yourself and all your good qualities. It’s difficult, but it totally works.
Lastly, don’t turn this person who called you a "one-time thing" into the villain. It’s like what your parents said that time you shoved cereal up your nose: “I’m not mad at you, I’m mad about the choice you made." Think about that. There will be, for about a week or so, not enough chamomile tea in the world to quell the rage in your heart, to quote “The Big Bang Theory." You two will look back on your romantic tryst as a thing of great humor. Humor always lightens situations. To recap: don’t ever settle for being someone’s “one-time thing,” the cure for this heartbreak isn’t at the bottom of a bottle of Boone’s Farm or with Joey Tribbiani on Netflix, the cure is positive self-thinking and the understanding that this too shall pass. You’ll be better because of it. Trust me, I know.
