Look, it's not the easiest thing in the world to be yourself.
To this day, I am still trying to figure out who I am and where I am going. It's hard, nothing is given to you on a platter and all of those sayings that success comes with patience are not true. You have to work for what you want. The first piece of advice I have for myself is don't give up, even though you want to and so does the entire world–just don't give up, keep your head high.
I am sorry I doubted my own strength.
I have always doubted my strength, no matter what it came to. I always thought that I was weaker than everyone else. I always thought that people held their head so high and that they were doing so great, but honestly, we all were feeling the same. The only difference was the people who held their heads high already knew how to be strong and to get through the day. It took me years to learn my own strengths. Most of us don't want to admit our strengths because it makes us sound narcissistic and unrealistic to others. But truthfully, it's time for me to admit my own strengths–I have overcome a lot, I am here and I am proud of how far I have come on my own. My biggest strength is that I love and care about people, and I am very good at school even though there are days that I feel I am not.
I am sorry for all the times I couldn't stand you.
I am sorry for the endless nights that I sat up thinking what I would change about myself. I am sorry that I hated the way I looked from the way my stomach looked, to the way my face was covered in pre-teen pimples. I am sorry that I spent endless amount of money just to make my face look more appealing and bought clothes that were ridiculously expensive to cover myself up. I finally realized years later that I am beautiful, and not the superficial beautiful–my mind, my personality is what makes me beautiful and I am finally comfortable with that.
I am sorry for breaking your heart with the physical harm that I have done to you.
I am sorry I have done so much harm to you. I am sorry for smoking cigarettes. I am sorry for drinking too much alcohol. I am sorry for not sleeping enough and dragging you around when you are physically exhausted. I am so sorry for making you cry and ignoring you when you are telling me when you are hungry–I am sorry for ignoring you in general. I don't like what I did to myself.
I am sorry you wasted time on people who didn't deserve your time
I am sorry for putting you through multiple hours and months of wasting your energy on people who didn't deserve it. I am sorry that you had to do it all on your own. I don't think I have learned who is worth the time and who isn't yet. But what I have learned so far is that you are beautiful and wonderful, and you can't push people away because you're afraid to waste your time on them. Remember that even the wasted time has taught you something.
Things in life are hard, people change, seasons change, but you can't blame yourself for all the changes in your life. You will be okay at the end of the day. You are beautiful and strong and wonderful. So smile and keep your head up.
