I have grown up for 19 years watching as you paved the way to being one of the most remarkable people. You carry yourself with integrity, you handle situations with a strong will and you have more passion for the Lord than any other man to walk this Earth. For 19 years, I have leaned on you to be the staple in the genealogy of our family. I have watched you keep the family in a single bind and now I watch as you lay in bed and suffer a great deal.
I remember the day I was told of the diagnosis as if it was being shown in my head. I remember the words trickling out of momma’s mouth as if it was a broken record that was destined to play. But most importantly I remember as daddy’s eyes filled with tears, a concept I do not bear witness to often. I held my chin up and told myself, “he beat it once, what is there to worry about.” That night I tossed and turned in bed, thinking the worse thoughts possible, causing myself to spiral into a puddle of tears. I ran to the comforting arms of momma and cried many tears as she shushed me saying, “he is strong and God has a plan.” I went to bed that night, repeating the words in my head over and over.
The next time I saw you, my heart crumbled into a million pieces. Where was the Granddaddy that I had just seen a few weeks previously. You looked different but acted as if time waited solely for you. I spend the summer visiting, coming to see you to keep a check on what was happening. I moved back to college knowing that you were fine and cancer would be gone in no time.
I wish I was able to say the same when I came home for break in November. I reach momma’s office minutes before the call that tells us things were spiraling out of control at the hospital. I broke down as I heard the tears from my strong willed, but sobbing aunt coming through the phone. I spent the next few days by your bedside, checking to make sure the doctors took the best care of you, even though I knew I was useless in the situation.
You pulled through the next few months, keeping me on my toes as to whether you were getting better or staying the same. However, here we are in February and I still find myself thinking the worse possible scenarios. What would I do if I no longer had you? What do I do when I have to watch the man that I have idolized for years, lay in bed and suffer daily because the cancer is slowly taking him away? What do I do when all other things around me are moving in time with the universe and the time I have with you is dwindling away faster than I can handle?
The answer is uncertain, but I do know that I can always look at you and think, “you are the strongest person I know and I strive to be like you.”
So I want to say thank you, for being strong in every situation. Thank you for showing me how to be strong even when I feel weak. Thank you for teaching me how to live for the one true God. Thank you for being an example of what a Godly man looks like. Thank you for being my supporter all these years. Thank you for allowing me to watch the NASCAR races with you. Thank you for putting up with my flips and tumbles all these years. But most importantly, thank you for being my Granddaddy.
