From my earliest memories you were always there. To love me. Support me. And take care of my like I was your own child. There was never a dull moment when we were together. Though we would fight you were still one of my favorite people for almost 10 years.

Every year in school you would always come eat lunch with me on Veterans Day and then we would beg mom to check me out so we could go bowling. That was or thing. Everytime you would throw the ball you'd hop on one leg and I thought It was hilarious. These are the things I remember. You've probably thought I forgot about them but I never will.

We used to watch scary movies all the time and play games. We were both so competitive it got on moms nerves so bad. For years and tears we always had the most fun. Our lives were great, u til they weren't.

There had been arguments in the past but they always blew over. You and mom would never stay mad for too long. If not for yourselves the for me.

I remember one day when mom picked me up from my dads she told me that y'all were getting a divorce. I'll never forget that car ride. I remember exactly we're on the interstate we were. At first I didn't believe it. And neither did you. But then if actually happened. I didn't really understand what was happening but I obviously knew what was going to happen. We weren't going to live together anymore. I remember being so mad at you for no reason. It must have just been because I was sad that I was losing you.

I never thought about how you must have felt. Losing me and mom. It must have been hard on you too. I remember coming home one day and you just not being here anymore. It's something I'll never forget.

After you and mom got divorced so many things changed and you knew I hated it. The first time you messaged me after the divorce, I didn't reply. You send many more messages and I didn't reply for over a year. I was so hurt and so upset that I took it out on you. When I finally did reply to you I was so rude to you. I pushed you off and made you feel like you didn't matter. I will regret that for the rest of my life. You used to text me and tell me how sorry you were and I would say "whatever". You'd ask when you could see me ad I'd say "idk ttyl". And I was so hurt that when you said "I love you" I'd say "luv u" bc I couldn't bring myself to say the real words.

It's been 6 years since the divorce. And two of those years I didn't even talk to you. I can't imagine how it made you feel to be ignored by your own step son.

I'm a senior now. And you live two states away. Even though we do text now. We have only seen each other a handful of times since the divorce and I miss you so much. It makes me feel like I barely know you anymore. We should have seen escorted so much more in 6 years. But that's my fault . And that breaks my heart. I wish I would have never ignored you. Im sorry we drifted And I'm sorry if you ever felt like you lost a son. But mostly I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you didn't matter to me. You were in my life for a very long time and I want you to be in it forever.

So hopefully. Now that you've read this. Now that you know how I feel, and I've gotten all this grief off my chest. You know that I love you more thanyoull ever know. And I hope you know no matter how many times I pushed you off and made you feel like you didn't matter I will ALWAYS be your son.

Love, Ethan (fathead)