I'm not sure where to begin or what to say. It's been exactly 1 month and 1 day since I've heard from you and even the last couple times we spoke it wasn't so pleasant. I don't usually do this type of thing but I feel the need to get it out there so here ya go. Maybe you'll see this, maybe not and that's okay too.
I don't know where it went wrong and what happened exactly, I guess we have our own views of it. I hope one day you find out who really did you wrong but it wasn't me. I'm not just saying that to gain your friendship back, to be honest I think it's far too damaged to be repaired anyhow. I would never lie to you. I hope one day you DO find out who really did it or find it misplaced somewhere and then think back to how you treated me in the final days of our “friendship". I am just confused on how this all came about, I don't know if you were being serious or not, if you somehow wanted me out of your life for some other reason that you didn't say. I know I was being distant but that's what happens when depression takes over your body. I felt like I had nothing. You might think that I wasn't contacting you but in reality it went both ways. I felt like a burden in your life anyways. What did I have to give? All you wanted was a couple friendship with kids so you all could get together and have play dates and such. I couldn't give that to you just yet. I am not sorry how this played out, I warned you when our friendship started that my “friendships" only last at the max 1-2 years and that's okay. My soul will always be free just floating from person to person helping them along the way until it's my time to fly. Nobody wants to keep me in their life. I don't blame you or any of my past friends. You all will always have a special place in my heart and mind.
My anxiety and depression eventually starts rubbing off on people and why would they want that around? You honestly came at me full-force at my lowest. My husband wasn't talking to me, I was being harassed on Facebook, and I can't honestly say i was scared for my mental health because I stopped fighting back, I did not want to talk, I stopped feeling for a moment and then you called. It wasn't ideal but at least you got my mind off of everything else even if it was the last time I would speak with you.
Our friendship was great, for the most part. You were there, at least up until the last month or two. I don't know if we just got busy with other things or you were distancing yourself from me for reasons I can't explain. All I know is that I wish you well with your journey in life, I really do. I don't want answers, you don't have to reach out if you read this. This is just closure for me so I can finally stop blaming myself for stopping this relationship. This is not on me, I was not the toxic one. There is nothing left to say. Goodbye old friend.
