Dear Mom,
On September 30th, 2015, you ended your battle against cancer. The scars you left on my heart when you left are still there. I think about you everyday and every holiday we toast to you. I changed a lot and I wish you could see me. I have so much I want to tell you. All about my friends, my best friend, my college life, who I like, who I hate, I want to tell you everything. Let me start first by saying hello.
Lets start with where I am now. Ever since you left it feels like my world is in ruins and I'm just walking around as a lost boy kicking around rocks that are left behind from the rubble. I don't know where to start or how to rebuild. The only tools at my disposal are memories. I remember you all the time. I can't make new memories all I can do is hold on to the ones we had together.
Broken, that's how I feel right now.
Some of the things I remember in full color and true to the moment, like during your fight with cancer before I left to go to work you would call me over hold my hand tightly and you would tell me how proud you are of me. This moment makes me cry.
The time where you would come to my little league games and cheer me on even though I was terrible, no matter how many times I struck out I remember you always getting me an ice-cream sundae after. This moment makes me smile.
Countless moments run through my mind and they show me how great of a mother you were. I took you for granted, I was an agitated, depressed, moody teen and I want you to know I changed a lot.
When you left us you told me on your final days here;
"I watched you become a man before my very eyes, and I am so glad that I got to have you as my son, I love you and you are the best son any mother could ask for."
It's true, I did mature, but I wish I could see you again. I want to show you how much I changed. I want to call you so bad and tell you about these articles I'm writing, I want to tell you all about my friends and school, I want you to give me advice on girls, I want you in my life for when I graduate college, get married and have a kid. You left too soon, I'm in that stage of my life where I need you the most. No matter what I do to move on I know deep inside I will never get to hug my mom again. I will never get to tell her I love her. I will however, always remember her.
"To lose your mother, well that is like losing the sun above you."-Life of Pi by Yann Martel
I know this sounds depressing, but of course I am sad mom. You leaving my life changed me forever. I will never forget you. You were the first person in my life to show me love besides dad of course and you leaving is the first time you showed me true sadness. Besides the poem I wrote to you before you left I want this to be the last thing I write to get off my chest. I know I haven't been the perfect son you wanted. I wasn't organized, talkative,motivated the list continues.
From this day forward however, I will put my all into everything. I'm not a delicate flower anymore, mom I am a tree that stands tall against everything and takes in all the light I see in the world. I'm leaving my shadow behind, because you would want me to live in a world without darkness. I will rebuild a whole new world without you the pictures you left for me will be more than enough because everything about you still rests in my heart. I love you forever and always, Mom you're the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am so grateful I got to share 18 years of my life with you.
Love,
Mikey!
P.S Sorry about the tattoo, I know you hate them but, this one was different.
