Dear Mama,
Today is Mother's Day and this is your first one in heaven. I found myself getting Mother's Day cards for all the mother figures in my life, and I found myself looking to get one for you...I put it back on the shelf when I realized you weren't here anymore. But I know more than ever that you are here every single day.
Sure Mother's Day is a great day to show all of our mom's how much we love and appreciate them, but shouldn't we do that every day? I'm so sorry for all of those times you wanted me to spend time with you, but I wanted to do something else. I know that you forgive me, but it just sucks knowing that was another couple of hours I could have spent with you.
After finishing my second year of college after thinking I wouldn't be able to make it a semester after everything that had happened, I know that you were with me the whole time. Every struggle I encountered this year, I was able to get through because you were pushing me to keep going. Every time I wanted to just give up and cry, you pushed me to do my best. Every time I would have a mental breakdown, I could feel you lifting me back onto my feet so that I could keep going.
Even though I felt you helping me through these tough times, there were times where I couldn't help but wish that you were there. Times when I wanted to Facetime you just to annoy you, or tell you the latest gossip. Or times when you were the only person I wanted to cuddle up next to and cry with. Or times when something awesome happened and you were the only person I wanted to tell. That is when the feeling of loss really hits me, and that's when I miss you the most. That's when I wish you were still here.
Even though you aren't physically here, I still talk to you, and I know that you hear me. I know that you're always looking out for me. I know that everything good that's happened to me since you left, was your doing. I know that you put certain people into my life when I needed them most, and took away the ones who were pulling me down. I also know that the people you took out of my life, you took out because I didn't need them. I was better off without them, and that's your way of telling me.
I miss you everyday, Mama. It hurts to know that you're never coming back. But please don't ever stop helping me. Don't ever stop pushing me to do my best. Everything I do now, I do for you. I'm going to live out all of the dreams you have ever had for me, and all because I have you to get me there. I love you Mama, and I hope that you have an amazing Mother's Day in Heaven.
