An Open Letter To My Squad

An Open Letter To My Squad

Tuesday FYSH are the best FYSH
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Three months and two days ago, I moved to Dallas, and didn't know a single soul. Sure, I had chatted with my roommate on Facebook to decide who would bring the fridge and who would bring the TV, but when my family drove away I was pretty alone.

They have a saying here at SMU, "It all starts at Corral," meaning you find your future friends at Mustang Corral, three days of fun, camping, and bonding. Well my Corral experience was sub-par: it rained the entire time we were at camp (and most people hadn't brought rain jackets,) and the overall mood was, "Are we done yet?"

On a whim, the second week of class, I decided to go to a student ministry meeting for freshmen hosted by the Catholic Campus Ministry (at this time I had yet to learn that 1/4 of SMU's student population is Catholic,) in the student center. In the first few moments, I knew that I was in the right place. Listening to a group of students and student-leader discuss struggling with the adjustment to their new lives and their many changes and at the end of the night offering their voices to Jesus, I knew that FYSH (First Year Student Homes,) would become part of my weekly schedule.

I kept going to FYSH and started talking to others who kept up with the group. It began with, "hey do you want to get dinner before FYSH tonight?" in our GroupMe and grew to, "hey, add me on Snapchat," or "what's your number so I can just text you?"

Now every time I have a food craving, need (need is a loose term, sometimes I do just want to go look at Christmas decorations and school supplies,) to go Target, or want to do something on a Friday night, I text my 4-person group message that if I could name (thanks Adam for having an Android and screwing everything up,) Squad.

Now my squad is not what many would expect. We are made up of a Biology, Engineering, Business, and English major. One of us is a DI athlete, two of us would rather shoot our own eyes out than run, and 1 is somewhere in the middle. We are from Texas, Louisiana, and Illinois. We like different sports teams, foods, and hobbies. But at the end of the day, we are four people that are really happy to have found each other.

So thank you guys, for answering my texts when I ask, "will anyone go off campus for dinner with me so I don't have to be that lame person at a restaurant eating alone," or "will someone go to the football game with me and judge our loosing record the whole time?"

Thanks for horror movies and junk food nights. For Macs runs. For fish adventures (RIP Colin the fish). For taking selfies with me when I'm in uniform. For going see nerdy movies with me. For loving Bath and Body Works as much as I do. For surviving the fender bender with me. For not judging me when I buy Christmas tree socks or try on glitter Crocs.

Lorien, Caroline, and Adam,

Thanks for being my squad. I am always down for the next random adventure.


Cover Image Credit: Sarah Donaldson

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To The Parent Who Chose Addiction

Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.

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When I was younger I resented you, I hated every ounce of you, and I used to question why God would give me a parent like you. Not now. Now I see the beauty and the blessings behind having an addict for a parent. If you're reading this, it isn't meant to hurt you, but rather to thank you.

Thank you for choosing your addiction over me.

Throughout my life, you have always chosen the addiction over my programs, my swim meets or even a simple movie night. You joke about it now or act as if I never questioned if you would wake up the next morning from your pill and alcohol-induced sleep, but I thank you for this. I thank you because I gained a relationship with God. The amount of time I spent praying for you strengthened our relationship in ways I could never explain.

SEE ALSO: They're Not Junkies, You're Just Uneducated

Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.

The amount of hurt and disappointment our family has gone through has brought us closer together. I have a relationship with Nanny and Pop that would never be as strong as it is today if you had been in the picture from day one. That in itself is a blessing.

Thank you for showing me how to love.

From your absence, I have learned how to love unconditionally. I want you to know that even though you weren't here, I love you most of all. No matter the amount of heartbreak, tears, and pain I've felt, you will always be my greatest love.

Thank you for making me strong.

Thank you for leaving and for showing me how to be independent. From you, I have learned that I do not need anyone else to prove to me that I am worthy of being loved. From you, I have learned that life is always hard, but you shouldn't give into the things that make you feel good for a short while, but should search for the real happiness in life.

Most of all, thank you for showing me how to turn my hurt into motivation.

I have learned that the cycle of addiction is not something that will continue into my life. You have hurt me more than anyone, but through that hurt, I have pushed myself to become the best version of myself.

Thank you for choosing the addiction over me because you've made me stronger, wiser, and loving than I ever could've been before.

Cover Image Credit: http://crashingintolove.tumblr.com/post/62246881826/pieffysessanta-tumblr-com

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A Summary Of My Morning That No One Asked For

Because low key who doesn't want to know more about me-- amiright?

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If you can't tell: I have writer's block. Which is fine, totally cool, we can work with that! BUT also prettyyyy annoying. ANYWAY.

Who doesn't like hearing about somebody's day (only if you low key hate the person but that's okay-- a valid feeling!!)-- about the way someone woke up, the thing that they ate for lunch or even their night routine (which I promise I'm not going to torture* anyone to THAT hell, but also because I don't even have a night routine! Amazing but also sad because lack of consistency!).

So today, as a Wednesday (Wednesday was when I wrote this, two hours before my article deadline, don't judge me), was a bit of a busy day. When I say busy-- usually waking up at like 7:30 or 8 AM (IF I can wake up, which big mood) and ending (not really) at 9 PM and then studying/doing work/textbook readings/last minute articles (hello!) until like 2 AM. Which is late (sorry roomie!!), but that's college!

With that said, today I actually woke up at 9 AM and thus did not go to my first class-- which if my sister reads this and tells my mom I will literally come back to Utah and slap her. Anyway I quickly took a five minute shower (TMI!), which is surprising since I can never do that usually but that's okay, improvement! I got dressed (internship ready!) and while I was putting mouse in my hair, I remembered that I have a take home quiz due for my next class (at 10 AM) that I have not done yet-- which I promise you, I am a procrastinator, but not that big of a procrastinator. Anyway I sat down, turned on my laptop (which is broken by the way, thanks HP laptops) and kind of finished my assignment in 10 minutes but left two questions unanswered, but like live life on the edge, amiright? I finished getting ready, which wasn't much because it was already like 9:50 AM and I needed to go so I pretty much just finished applying mascara and filling in my brows and grabbed the PB&J; from the fridge that was supposed to be dinner yesterday which wasn't, but that's another story, and grabbed ONLY my keys (foreshadowing!), locked my apartment door, ran down the stairs and got on my bike!

And let me stop here and tell you how much I love my bike. Without my bike, I would be late for everything and plus I hate walking. Also because my apartment is kind of far from campus (not really but everyone tells me it is) and with my bike only takes about 5 minutes to get to class.

Remember the foreshadowing? As I was riding my bike and almost halfway there (to be honest I could've turned back but I'm lazy), I realized that I forgot by ID, which I need to check out a laptop from the library (because my laptop is broken, thanks again HP who supposedly fixed my laptop before for the same problem but here we are again) and to also just live my life as a USC student (meaning to get into the library and to also get into my apartment building). But I thought, it's chill, we're fine, we're late so let's focus on the issue of getting to class on time.

So I crossed that big intersection to enter USC and went up that ramp thing by VKC (USC people will know), parked and "locked" by bike (my bike lock doesn't really work because someone can easily pull it off my bike and yeah) and speed walked to class (which means going up the stairs which is also when I realized that I wore the wrong shoes because my flats almost slipped off TWICE) and got to my classroom exactly at 10 AM. And this all happened within 10 minutes -- see what I mean about my bike being a literal gift from god (kidding, but also not)?

Anyway I got to class and the professor isn't even there so I could've literally filled in my eyebrows a bit better but whatever. At this time I was also regretting not going back for my ID so that I could at least rent out a laptop and continue reading research articles for my essay due in less than 2 weeks (!) while the professor lectures (sorry, but like if it's not on the final, you've lost my attention). But since I didn't have a laptop at that time, I went ahead and took a picture of my textbook readings which for the record I didn't end up reading and pretty much wasted space on my phone and wasted like 2 minutes of my life but it's okay! Anyway the Professor arrived (at 10:02 AM) and she started setting up her laptop while I decided, hey, maybe I should finish those two other questions that I didn't answer in the take home? So I did that and ended up changing my answers and had enough time to spare before we actually turned it in! It goes to show you that procrastination actually does work!!

The class is also actually pretty cool! It's a class on traditional Chinese medicine (which I honestly don't know why I'm taking since I'm a POLITICAL SCIENCE MAJOR), that includes acupuncture. Which, honestly is something that I was apprehensive about, but it's actually pretty scientifically sound (from the few studies out there) and most importantly has seemed to benefit patients (which I have seen in real life!). Today the professor just went over the nutritional side to eastern medicine, and what I found interesting how each color and taste to a food pertains to a specific body part and even deficiency!

If you haven't noticed by now-- this is really long. And I'm barely at like 10:15 (to be honest, less than that). But it goes to show that even a morning can be somewhat interesting-- or I don't know maybe it's just me! Anyway, this might be a several part series where I describe the rest of my day but maybe not! Probably just something for writer's block!

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