To my future husband,
Sometimes when I have those nights I can't sleep (often after watching Ben and Leslie on Parks and Rec or The Bachelorette), I think about what you're going to mean to me. Of course, I know all the cliches. You'll be the love of my life, the father of my children, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. But the impatient part of me wants to know so much more than that.
I want to know what the first thing you do when you get to your car after a rough day at work. I want to know if you have kept the same baseball glove your entire life because it still brings good luck to you. I want to know your opinions on everything, from fiscal policy to a third mimosa with brunch. I want to know it all.
It was about a year ago when I wrote in my journal that I wanted a summer fling. A glittering romance where you hold each other quite dear while the world around you rapidly changes, and then fling it out into the ocean and watch only the air bubbles surface until there's nothing left. This year, I am craving you. I want to know you're out there, and that you exist.
There some things I already know about you, because I know myself very well and I am self-aware of the type of person I would marry. I know I'll marry someone who loves to travel, wants to have children, and will support me and my career goals as I support them. These are my deal breakers and I've never really been one to budge on these things, so I am aware of the big things that we'll agree on. I want to know how you make your coffee, what your obsessions are, what your Hogwarts house is (we're probably both Gryffindors), your enneagram (probably a 2 to match my 7), why you're afraid of caves, why your nose wrinkles when I order shrimp. I want to know it all.
I always see #RelationshipGoals on my social media, and I get it. I want that magical montage of singing karaoke and car rides and synchronized flips into the pool. I want that too. But I also want someone to hold me the night of crashing my car, losing a friend, or other things I can't really think about. I want to be with you through it all. It gets so tiring feeling like we're alone. I wonder if you feel the same. I wonder if you pray for me the way I do for you.
I wonder what our dumbest fight will be. Did the bag of salad go bad after I left it on the counter? Did you forget to leave a tip for the delivery driver? Did you think it would be a good idea to put lighter fluid on the bonfire and now we both don't have eyebrows? Mistakes happen and they don't always define a person, but I am curious to see what it's like to fight with a soulmate.
I used to really believe in love and soulmates. Someday you'll know the history of why it's hard for me to believe that sort of thing anymore. I wonder if you'll help me believe again. I wonder if you will have the mindset of a hopeless romantic who knows how to love with their whole heart. I am so excited to meet you and learn all the wonderful things about you. I can't wait to hold your hand and be with you.
Sincerely,
Your future wife
