Dear Former Self,
It's OK. You've been dealt your cards and you have gone through tremendous pain. No one your age understands you. Can you really blame them? Your situation is unique to you, you can't possibly expect anyone to relate. It's okay to be your own best friend. No one knows you better than yourself.
I know you think you have it all planned out. You want to live in a big city, far away from anyone you know from home. You want to start fresh, where nobody knows your name or your story. You want to discover a life outside of the bubble you were born into and raised in. That doesn't happen, and that's okay. You will be happy anyway.
You've made lots of mistakes, and although it seems like a big deal, it's not. You are young and dumb and there is no better time to screw up than right now. No need to cry.
I know you're sad. I know you wish the life you were given wasn't so dark. I know depression has taken over and you can't sleep, I know you miss your dad, but you have to keep trying. You owe it to yourself.
Your dad died and you're bullied and you don't have many friends. Frankly, that's life. It sucks. None of it makes any sense, but it's worth it. Reaching milestones, going to college, loving someone who respects you. It's all so worth it.
The truth is, your life ends up completely opposite of what you hoped for. Nothing you wanted to happen ever plays out, which is good, because nothing you wanted was meant for you at the time. It worked out even better than you could have expected.
Slow down, take it day by day, and stop worrying so much. The universe has given you the gift of love and loss- two very important lessons. No amount of education could teach you how to fall in love or deal with the loss of a loved one. Heartbreak has made you into the woman that you are today, and nothing beats the power of experience.
You are beautiful and smart but you still have a long way to go. Until then, enjoy life and bask in your youth while you still have it.