I honestly don't know what I want to tell you. I'm sure you have already noticed, considering I don't really make an effort to reach out to you. But I want to let you know why. If you recall, I have moved around a lot, ran in many different circles, and I have changed so much. Throughout my life, I have never really been consistent. I'm not entirely sure if that is normal, but that's the truth.
At one point we were close. I knew your favorite color, you knew my favorite animal. We probably listened to the same music and watched the same shows. We stayed up late giggling about what boys we thought were cute and what we thought we would make of our lives. We promised we would be friends forever and raise our children together. I promise that I meant that. That I meant to stay with you through it all. However, life never works out like you want it. We separated. You moved, or I moved. Your mom stopped homeschooling you. My mom took me out of our group. We realized that we were both getting older and were far less compatible than we kept pretending. Whichever one of these reasons that applies to you is no excuse for my lack of contacting you.
This is where my inconsistency comes into play. I'm afraid to talk to you again because I am not who I used to be. I'm not the girl you once called your friend. And as terrible as it is, you often serve as a reminder of who I used to be, and I hate whatever person I used to be when I knew you.
Don't get me wrong, your friendship is invaluable to me. I loved you with my whole heart. You made every situation better, cheered me up when I felt down and cheered me on when I succeeded. We spent summer days walking around feeling like we were hot stuff who owned the world. We were a power couple in every sense of the word. We had each other's backs and we knew that, no matter what. A lot has changed since I last talked to you 10, eight, five years ago. We have both gone through triumphs and struggles, and I wish I could have been there for you.
I know that you did have someone though. A new friend to help you along, and I am very glad for that. They probably helped you in ways that I couldn't have (I'm not terribly good at comforting people).
One last thing: You have turned into a beautiful woman. I mean that, honestly. Every one of you girls whom I am privileged to have once called my best friend are gloriously strong women. I am impressed by your ability to cope in new situations, love others unconditionally, and to love God with your whole being. You are inspirational really. Even though we are no longer a part of each other's lives anymore, just know that I am so happy for you and everything that lies ahead in your future.
