Dear Ex-Best Friend,

I never thought I would be writing this letter.

In fact, when I first met you, I had never been more sure of our friendship. We had an instant bond, and I was confident that I had found my person in you. However, looking back a year later, I know now that I was so wrong. But then again, I was a very different person back then, and I've grown so much since. You put me in situations where I was forced to mature and find my own way, and I am thankful to you for that.

But nonetheless, at the time in my life when I met you, your friendship was exactly what I needed. You were just the right amount of serious and funny, offered unconditional support and wasn't afraid to be your true self. You were funny, confident, and brought out the best of me. You inspired me to let loose and to try new things. Or at least I thought you did. But I now know that it was all a mask. You were trying so hard to cover every flaw you had, you were so fake because you were threatened by others' happiness, terrified of vulnerability and authenticity, and you always needed to be the center of attention and the focal point of everyone's conversation. Thus, around you, I felt like I was living a life bound by the shadows. I was always in the background when I was with you, and I felt so limited. It was a horrible feeling, and while I don't think you were intentionally trying to put me in that position, your narcissistic behavior let it happen.

I understand insecurities and what they can do to people. We all have them, its natural. But yours transpired externally, and seeped into your relationships and friendships, and then I experienced it myself. I saw it happen with how you treated other people. You bragged about always having drama with your friends and being involved in a very shallow and insincere social circle. I'd grown up with quite the opposite, so I guess it was a surprise to me to see how you acted in certain situations. I was plunged into a seemingly ceaseless pit of you, and it wasn't like anything I had ever experienced. The happier I became and more involved I got, the more threatened you were. It was a very unfamiliar and upsetting revelation that, ultimately, my success and well-being was a very threat to your happiness.

Your insistence on being one level above everyone else and your unwillingness to submit to vulnerability, the key to getting close to people, prevented you from experiencing genuine friendships. I was such a good friend to you, and it still hurts to know that I invested so much of myself in a relationship that you severely took for granted. You went out of your way to spread lies about me, to bring me down, to tarnish others' reputations about me. You felt so strongly about your unjustified hatred towards me, that you did everything in your power to validate your ill feelings by trying to turn my friends against me as well. Thankfully, they saw through you. It took me a lot longer to do so, because I always tried to see the best in you and give you the benefit of the doubt. I was fiercely defensive over you, and for what? You confused our mutual interests for me copying you, because you couldn't stand the idea of someone else aspiring to pursue the same career as you.

It was an odd form of jealousy that I had never quite encountered before, and I truly didn't know how to handle it. I was used to having supportive friends who celebrated in each others' goals and accomplishments. I had never had a friend who wasn't happy for my happiness. The ironic thing was that you liked everyone to be exactly like you, talk like you, dress like you, act like you, because it made you more comfortable surrounding yourself with clones of everything you try so hard to be. But when it boils down to it, I'm not sure if you even know your true self, because you've spent so much time trying to establish a certain persona.

I probably made some mistakes along the way. I must have. I mean, I'm the first to admit my faults when it comes to friendships, because when I have a relationship that I value, that makes me feel good, that lifts me up, I'll do everything to maintain it. But with you, I don't know where I faltered - if I faltered. Maybe I didn't do enough to ensure that we were on the same page, and maybe I contributed to the decline of our friendship in some way that really affected you. But I'm a very reflexive person, and even now, I cannot understand the horrible things that I have done to make you resent me so much. But I have gotten to a place where I have made peace with the whole ordeal, and I no longer feel the need to get answers. I'm at such an amazing place in my life, have learned how to surround myself with quality people who genuinely have my best interests at heart, and I'm prioritizing my own happiness for once. I have spent so much of my time last year being a people pleaser and wrapped up in toxic relationships, but I now know that there is nothing wrong with looking out for yourself, and putting your happiness first.

So thank you for teaching me so much about myself, and about the friendships I deserve. Thank you for showing me what not to look for in a companion, and for allowing me to learn challenging lessons that I needed to overcome in order to grow as a confident and independent person. I know now that you contributed to my development as the person I am today, someone I am very proud to be. And I think you served an important purpose in my life. You were there for a reason to teach me things about myself and other people that maybe I otherwise would never have learned, but that I really needed too.

I wish you nothing but good fortune going forward, and thank you for the important role you played in my life. I needed you to realize just how incredible and brave I really am.