A memoir to the friend I thought would be in my life forever.

Buddy,

I knew it was over when you started talking bad about me behind my back telling everyone I was gay and thought I was dating you. Where you got that twisted image of me I may never know, but you knew it hurt me. I beat myself up for days at a time: stopped taking care of myself, didn't eat right, slept from the time school got out until my mom forced me to eat something. I was forced to see you everyday at school where you avoided eye contact with me and snickered as I passed. You had already stuck a knife straight through my back before I realized that some characters only see one chapter, not the whole book.

To be honest you were there for me through a lot. Like that time my grandma died and I sunk into a deep abyss of depression. Or whenever I would get into the usual knock out fight with my dad. You were there for me dude and for that I thank you because I still think it true that if it were not for you and your big heart then I wouldn't be sitting here writing this post today--which looking back might've been a good thing.

Now I don't want people to think that this was one sided so I will remind you of the times I was there for you. I was there whenever you had your seizure and could not drive for six months. I drove you around everywhere and that's honestly how we became so close. I wrote your english papers for you, helped you study on tests, and went to every single basketball game to see my best friend tear up the court senior season. I was there for you through a lot and I think that's why I had such a hard time coming to terms with what ended up being the end of the "dynamic duo."

It was the end of February when the texts stopped coming and word got around that you were spreading rumors about me. I remember it so vividly, sometimes I even wake up from a nightmare in which I called you and I feel the pain in my stomach. I had no one. You ruined my name. You ruined my face. All for what? I may never know, but one thing I do know is that I should not have had to spend third quarter of senior year with a broken heart. Ever heard that phrase? "friends can break your heart too" well it isn't true. Best friends are the ones capable of breaking your heart, and that man is exactly what you did to me.

So dude, whatever happened, whatever you were fighting that you couldn't tell me about, or whatever I did or didn't do I just want you to know you taught me a lot by cutting me out so harshly. Never will I promise someone they can be my best man because I am not one to make promises I can't keep. Never will I sacrifice my own feelings or relationships to be friends with someone because I will never fully trust a friendship again. Amidst broken promises, lies, and nasty texts I wanted to let you know that I am still thankful for our friendship, the good times and bad, because without it I would not be half the man I am today.

Love always dude,

Cam