Today is day 9 without you. And I mean it when I say that a moment hasn't passed that I haven't thought about you. I feel lost. Like nothing I do can keep me from falling into this sadness. I know it's not what you would want. But in your absence, I can only feel grief.

I am writing to tell you all the things I wanted you to know. Things that I told you while you were still alive but maybe didn't tell you enough. My sister, brother and I want you to know that you loved us so well while you were alive. It is that love that we have learned how to love our own children and each other.

I am sorry for all the times you just wanted to tell me I was beautiful and that you loved me. But I was aggravated with the day that I didn't take that moment to just listen. Knowing that I will never hear you say those words to me again puts my heart in agony. I've never ever heard a man speak of his children and grandchildren like you spoke of yours. Your love was infectious and radiant. You could feel it as soon as you walked into a room.

The moments that we all spent together keep playing in my mind. Every conversation we've ever had. Every memory. Every day. It's a bitter pill to know that I have to go the rest of my life without you. That your grandkids will never get to build the memories we have. I feel cheated of time with you. Like we should have so much more. And I'm angry and sad. But I know no amount of time with you would have been long enough.

I hope you left this world knowing you were everything to us. That your love has carried us through this life. You literally thought that your kids were gods gift to earth. And I don't think you knew you were gods gift to us.

As a normal day without you will never be the same. Holidays will be even worse. We felt a warmth with you there. Even if you were asleep on the couch with a shirt tied around your eyes.

We will never be ready to take this world on without you. But we can promise you we will try. Try and hold onto each other like you did us. Try and remember what you would want. You hated nothing more than seeing us sad. Right now it seems impossible to be anything else. But I promise you we will try.

We love you, dad. We miss you. Our hearts will never be whole without you. Thank you for loving us and never missing the opportunity to tell us. We will carry that love for the rest of our lives. We can't wait to see you again. I know heaven is 100x more beautiful with you in it. And that the angels know how lucky they are to have you.