Dear Dad,

Thank you for proving society wrong and being one of the few dads that takes on the role as both a dad and a mom. Even though we've had a difficult relationship due to the abuse that you inflicted on me and learned from how you were raised, I know it was never intentional (unlike my mother's intentional abuse towards me). You took me bra shopping for the first time when my mom was too impatient to do so, you brushed my hair before school everyday, I remember you dressed me when I was little, I never once remember her ever dressing me. Every girl needs that motherly warmth and affection. I never once got it. My mom is far from a warm person. Unfortunately as a mom you have to be warm and loving. I am glad you hugged me sometimes though. When I got my first period at 10 and needed help knowing what to do since I was obviously too young to really know, I naturally asked my mom. Instead of helping me, she laughed at me, threw an old opened pad at me and told me to figure it all out on my own. You took me to the store, bought me everything I needed for it and helped me calm down – especially at such an awkward pubescent age. Even though you barely knew what you were talking about, you tried to help me learn how to use all of the period products. To this day, I still remember that and how much it meant to me because it should be a special mother and daughter moment. I guess I will remember it as a me and you moment, now.

As a child, I remember all of the times you took me clothes shopping, when she did not want to, took me to doctor's appointments when she did not want to and drove me places when she did not want to. She only did this when I was super little and, when I needed her to hold my hand, she would say no and exit the room – leaving the nurses to be the ones to comfort me and hold my hand. You held my hand when I needed you to hold it, you came to the emergency room when my camp called. She did not.

You never once told me you wish I was never born, but she does in almost every sentence. She told me she wishes she had me aborted. You did not. You always tell me I can do well in school, but she calls me disabled. You brought me a jacket when I was cold, you gave me the awkward sex talk at 16. It was a little late, but I am glad you still did it because it helped me change my actions moving forward. You would always pack me lunch because she would never do it. I remember one day you packed me spinach in my lunch. There was a big recall in our area on spinach and you immediately came on your short lunch break to my school to take away my spinach and give me a brand-new lunch.

Thank you for telling me my shorts are too short, thank you for telling me my top was too short, thank you to all the times you made me change, thank you for all of that, I really changed because of you. You forced me out of a car of people when I was hanging around with the wrong crowd. At first, I was very mad at you and quite humiliated, but I thanked you so many times later. You kicked that boy out of the house, which I was so embarrassed by, but you saved me, and I am very thankful for that. You laughed and did not believe me, and still to this day do not believe that I was sexually assaulted, but that is because you do not want to believe it is true. Back where you are from, it is not a common thing to talk about – so I get it.

It is difficult because you have done so much good for me, but at the same time, you have been super abusive. It is really hard to label our relationship. However, ever since I started college, the physical abuse stopped. I think you kind of got the point. You still say mean things to me, but I am trying to get better at ignoring. It is hard for me to call you the best dad in the world because you hurt me both emotionally and physically. After 21 years of knowing you, getting older and realizing things, I think it is because you were raised aggressively – being hit and said hurtful words to. Your parents believed that this treatment will cause a child's behavior to get better. This clearly was not the case for me, and I definitely do not condone this sort of parenting. Despite this, you tried to the best of your ability, especially considering how aggressively you were raised. I really do believe that you have been/are the best dad that you can be.

During all of those times when she was too tired or too impatient to help me when I was dealing with something like being bullied, she would go to a hotel for a few days instead of being a parent. You did not. You stayed with me when she did not. During those months that she wanted to send me away to Israel to live with your aunt, you never let her, and I am glad you did not. Every time she tells me I will never get into a university you always remind me that I will. Every time she calls me "down" or "slow" and walks away, you always remind me that I am not. Thank you for that. I know you know the real reason she did not breastfeed me. My mom told me the reason she did not breastfeed me was because she had an infection. That was a lie, it was because she did not want to feel uncomfortable and she thought it would be a hassle. You told her to do it and she still refused. She told me that to my face knowing it would hurt me. The reason for a woman's breast is to feed her child, and provide love and security, and I guess she did not want that. For some reason out of everything she has done that really hurt me the most, because when you think about breast feeding it is much more than a baby eating, it is much more. Every-time I see a video or a picture of a mom talking about breastfeeding or their love for their baby I tear up. I know you did not like her decision either. I could see it in your eyes when she brought it up a few weeks ago. I told you about how at the camp that I worked at this summer that I had to look the other way every time during drop off and pick up because the way these children ran to their moms and the way the moms hugged them and kiss them made me burst in tears every time. I am glad I got the same from you, but it was as often as children as I would have like you to hug me but enough to not turn me into a cold person like my mom. I truly do not think that you wanted to be a dad, but you are a way better parent than her. You know that deep down, but you just are scared to admit it. She may or may not be a good wife to you, but you know for certain that she is not a good mother. She was never my mom, just a mean woman living in my house always wanting her space and belittling on a daily basis. Some people are just too cold to have kids, and my mom is one of them. Her life is work, making money, buying clothes, traveling and not wanting to pay for my college because she doesn't think I am worth it.

I love you Papa. I know you do too – even though I question it some days. When you make breakfast for me and pack me a lunch for class, even if I forget to say thank you, thank you very much. Thank you for being a mom and dad all in one. I love you.