I know that between the two of us, I’m the only one with opposable thumbs and I’m the only one that can get you more food, but I promise you the small amount of food you have left in your dish will be enough until morning. Please stop waking me up in the middle of the night. You ate almost the entire dish before I went to bed, if you decide to over-eat that is not my problem, you will not starve to death.

I want to remind you that the clothes I lay on my bed are not a new bed for you. I am laying them out for a reason and don’t want to have to pull them out from under you just to receive a death glare and enough hair to form another cat with all over the clothes. You were bought a bed and for some reason you think the box it came in is more comfortable. $20 could have been saved, lesson learned.

I also want to remind you that I am the one who gets you food, water, and cleans your bathroom for you, the least you could do is get off the table when I tell you to and stop attacking the dog. She is not going anywhere anytime soon, so please stop hitting her and then jumping onto high surfaces you know she can’t reach. You can’t rub against her like you’re friends and then turn around and hit her in the nose. She then gets confused and looks at me for answers when I am just as confused as she is.

Also, when I am eating, I would like it if you stopped reaching your paw out to try and grab my food. You have your food, I have mine; sometimes I give you my food and I know you like human food better, but reaching up to try and grab it out of my hand or off my plate is a little excessive.

You, my feline, also need to stop ruining or taking clothes out of my room. If I bend down and I’m wearing something with a string, that is not an invitation for you to grab onto the string and pull with all of your might. None of my hoodies have strings in them anymore simply due to the fact that you have no boundaries. Speaking of boundaries, stop going into my room and taking one, ONLY ONE, sock out of my room. The dryer takes enough of my socks, I do not need you to take them and hide them under the couch from me.

However, no matter how many times you meow at my door and then run away when I open it, claw my arms when I hold you for too long, pull strings out of my hoodies, take my food off my plate when I look away for a second, or stay at my feet when I walk as if to trip me, I will always have love for you. You can get on my nerves, but I’m happy to be your owner.