To my attacker,

You made me a statistic. Another number on a graph. A one in five.

One in five women are sexually assaulted. On average, there are 321,500 victims of sexual assault every year. That's more than 800 victims everyday. How many assaults go unreported?

It's not about covering up or staying out too late; it's gotten to a point that where ever you are, you're in a point of attack.

My first, and probably last, college party, everyone told me to keep my legs crossed. Never leave my drink unattended, make sure my skirt wasn't too short and my shirt wasn't too low cut, not to laugh at everything someone says. Not to bite my lip or be too flirtatious. I followed all those rules and by the end of the night I was still locked in the bedroom up stairs, too drunk and too drugged to call for help. You were 22, pushing yourself onto a 16 year old. I wasn't the first girl you did this to that night and I probably wasn't the last. God knows how many drinks you drugged that night and how many lives you ruined.

I was taken to the hospital by a medical student who's name I don't even know. I waited until almost 8 in the morning (we were waiting for about 5 hours) before a doctor was able to help me. No one was taking me seriously. A drunk 16 year old, not having reaction to anything. My makeup was smeared and all over my face. My new skirt was ripped and I was wearing a sweater that wasn't even mine. God bless the medical student who helped me, she stayed with me until she knew I was okay.

Now every time I am intimate with anyone, the memories of that night come back to me and your rough hands sink back into my skin. I panic and quickly try to explain how your hands have forever stained my skin but I will be okay in a few minutes. So many people have laughed in my face and walked away from the situation. A few people even tell me that it's the reason I'm queer.

Every woman has a different reaction to sexual assault. For an entire 5 months after my attack, I was perfectly fine. I went back to school and continued planning whatever I was planning as NHS vice president.

It wasn't until someone rested their hand on my hip as they were talking to me and all the memories of that night came rushing back like a hurricane of emotions. I laid in bed for weeks after that. A new nightmare every night, waking up with cold sweats and shortage of breath. I started seeing a psychiatrist that week and was written a prescription for medicines I couldn't even pronounce. I had good days and I had bad days. The bad days usually outweighed the good. I would drown myself in various pills of various colors and various side effects, often falling into a deep slumber.

Something needs to be changed. I do not want to be a statistic on a list. A one in five. Rather than teaching women how to be raped by covering up, not going out late, or having one too many drinks, teach men how not to rape and to respect women. You came out of a woman, so show other women some respect. If your sister or mother or wife or daughter was in the same position I was in, what would your reaction be? I'm sure you would not laugh in their face and high five friends who watched.

In the years since, I have learned to manage the PTSD and nightmares, mostly through support groups and therapists. I don't need all those pills to fall asleep anymore. I still have good days and I still have bad days. Today, the good days outweigh the bad, but I still can't walk into a party without having a constant worry that someone will lead me away to a room and hurt me again. I can't have a steady relationship because I have to explain to every person I may have the slightest interest in that I may panic when we get too intimate. My breath hitches every time someone touches my waist or goes in to hold my hand.

I was raped. And I am okay with that. I am not dirty. I am not broken. I am worthy of love. One day, someone will fall in love with me. I am going to spend my life someone. To you, I am only a statistic on a list. One day, I will find peace in that. I will help other women find their own peace.

One day, you will get what you deserve. There is a special place in hell for you and everyone else who thinks setting a non-consenting hand on a woman for your own pleasure is okay. You will get what you deserve.

If you are a victim of sexual assault, you are not alone. Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673. They are available 24 hours. Please seek help if needed.