To all the fathers out there,
Your relationship with your daughter will affect her life forever, in more ways than you think.
The love you have for your wife is the example you set for her. Imagine her growing up and all she saw was pure respect and adoration between her parents. Her standards when looking for a partner would be set high, knowing that love really exists out in the real world and that through all the ups and downs, her parents were strong and stuck together. With something as spiritual and soul-binding as marriage, establishing a stable environment for your daughter is paramount.
However, if you and your spouse are having marital issues, work on them. If love isn't there anymore between the two of you, then get a divorce. Only staying together for the child has adverse affects, and really, what you thought would be helping the child, is doing the exact opposite. If you aren't happy, then how could you possibly raise your daughter to your greatest ability? Although children may not understand the concept of separate parents, they will thank you later for not living a lie.
Don't be absent. If you're alive and breathing, be in her life. Not having a father-figure is probably the hardest thing for a daughter to experience. Even if she lives with her dad. What I mean is... be there for her. Don't just give her money when she needs it. Don't just drive her where she needs to go. Be there when she's trying on dresses for prom. Be there when she can't decide which college to apply to. Most importantly, be there when she doesn't want you there.
Girls are more likely to be closer with their mothers. But I believe that's because fathers sometimes don't try hard enough. Of course, you may not be able to relate to her all the time because you aren't female. But you are her father. A title no one else can have. Live up to it with everything you have in your soul. There will come a day when you think your daughter doesn't need you anymore. But she will always need you. Nothing will ever replace the love of a father.
Don't ever abandon her. You can end a marriage with your wife, but you should never walk away from your children. Some may call it cowardly. Others may call it weak. All she will ever associate you with is feelings of anger and utter disappointment. Children, no matter how old, will forget a lot of things. But not you walking out on them. No matter how toxic or hostile the relationship with your wife, it simply isn't right or just to include an innocent child.
You are her first love. The first male figure to ever show her affection and nurturance. The way she approaches relationships from that point forward is the result of you and her mother. As an individual, you have control over your own life. Decisions made only by you. But those same decisions are affected also by other factors as well. Your daughter's confidence and self-esteem were partially built by you.
Her desire of not settling for just any ol' Bob or Harry is also the result of your relationship with her. But then again, if all she saw from you was your back walking away, then of course she is more prone to choosing men who aren't good enough for her. Or trying to find love in the wrong people because she never got it from you. Something to fill a void that you made because you withheld something from her. So please, give her the guidance and set an example of how love should be.
And now the most important: let her get to know you and make an effort to get to know her. It's funny how life works sometimes. It's easy to take each passing day for granted. We truly never know when our last day will be on this Earth, will we? People die all the time, including someone's father or someone's daughter. Be thankful to still have your daughter by your side. Not all women and girls are fortunate enough to still have their dads around.
Even if you think she's too young to understand certain things, tell her anyway. Even if you haven't spoken to each other in years, give her a call anyway. Even if you think the damage is irreversible, make all efforts to mend the bond anyway. And even if you think you know everything about each other, you don't. Talk, laugh, cry. Embrace all of it before God decides it's time for you to sit with Him up there.
Always try for her. She deserves it. And you will only be happier.
With love,
All the daughters out there
