To the boy who broke my trust, I forgive you.
To the boy who made me insecure, I'm okay with myself now.
To the boy who abused me, I found someone who won't kiss me without getting an okay first.
To the boy I loved more than I loved myself, I don't love you anymore.
With your charming smile and your captivating vocabulary, you pulled me in quicker than I could blink. You had me wrapped around your finger before anybody could tell me "Stop! You're making a mistake." Gifts upon gifts upon gifts. Chivalry and the attention kept me happy. We were good. People envied our relationship. But deep down, I knew. I knew you were a bad guy.
You made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. I was high on that puppy love. Until I said no. Until my consent didn't go the way you wanted it to go. But even then, you still didn't seem to understand what consent meant. And that has destroyed a part of me I won't ever get back.
Girls talk. Even when we aren't fond of each other. Girls look out for each other. I knew it was true the moment I heard it. But you stood there and lied to my face. You told me I was the only one. You told me I was everything.
You labeled me "crazy" as soon as I started asking who you were texting while we were hanging out. When you hid it, I demanded to see your phone and you threw it at me with a "You're being a bitch." Yeah, maybe I was. But it only took once to break my trust.
I never really saw myself as someone with trust issues until I felt the raging jealousy when I saw my current S.O. talking with some girl he'd known for years. I knew I had nothing to worry about, but that voice in my head tells me I can't trust him. And that's you're fault.
You pulled me from my friends, from my family, from God. You pulled me from everything I enjoyed about my life. I was so distracted by who you could be screwing rather than what I had going for me.
You broke me. And I know you continue to break others. Let me tell you something. All of this hurt, all of the pain you have caused and are continuing to cause is going to come back on you.
You are weak. Weak-minded. Weak-hearted. You are no man. You are a boy. Men cherish what they have in front of them. They don't take advantage. Boys run to the next girl as soon as the one he has isn't giving him what he wants.
It took me months to realize that it wasn't my fault. You cheating wasn't my fault. You abusing me wasn't my fault. It was you. And I hated you for it. After I chased you for so long, I had finally realized that you were not worth it.
I have forgiven you, but not for your sake. For mine. Because it was finally time to let go of the pain you caused and move on. I don't regret you. You taught me a valuable lesson that I needed to learn the hard way. You taught me that I'm worth more than what some boy tells me. I'm worth everything to myself and to the eyes of God. And that is more than enough for me.
I love myself enough to let you go and move on. And I pray that the women you continue to hurt will soon realize that they are worth more than your games.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
1 Corinthians 13:4–8
