Hi mum, hi dad,
I just wanted to start out by saying, thank you. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me over the last 20 years. Thank you for everything you sacrificed to make sure I got what I needed—and a lot of the time—what I wanted. You put food on the table and clothes on my back, and there’s never going to be anything I can do that will amount to something worthy of repaying you for all of that.
I’m sorry about all the times I got mad at you or yelled at you. I’m sorry about all the minutes and hours we spent angry or fighting. I wish I could go back and act differently. More mature. I’ve learned so much since then and there are days where I wish I could go back and tell my younger self that yelling at mum or slamming the door in dad’s face isn’t going to solve anything; it’s just going to make everything worse and harder for myself.
There have been times when I was being a little melodramatic and was upset over pointless things that ended up getting resolved in less than 24 hours. But, there have also been times where I was rightfully upset with something you did or said. Some of those times, you probably didn’t even think about what you were saying or how it was going to affect me. You probably thought it was nothing and I was going to brush it off.
But I didn’t. There were times when you said things and it just brought me down and made me think that what I wanted to do didn’t matter and that I couldn’t actually achieve my end goals. Which I know isn’t what you wanted me to think. You’ve always been so supportive of me and everything I’ve wanted to do. But there were times, small moments when it felt like you just said those things because you were my parents and I was your child and you were “supposed” to support me.
The worst feeling I think I may have ever felt was disappointing you. If I ever disappointed any of you, I could physically feel the pain in my chest. That was never something I ever wanted to do, no matter what happened. The thing I treasured most was your approval and your pride in me, and if I ever jeopardized that, well, I never got over it. To this day, I’m terrified that something I will do will disappoint you so much that you will cease to love me. Even though you tell me that no matter what happens, you will always love me, I’m always scared that one day I’ll do something so bad in your eyes that that won’t continue to be the case anymore.
But still, thank you for always supporting me and being there for me when I needed you. Even though we fought. Even though we’d get mad at each other. Even though we occasionally had problems. Thank you for everything you did and everything you will continue to do for me until it no longer becomes necessary. Thank you.
