Dear You,

First of all, I just want to say thank you. You’ve taught me a lot about myself. You taught me how to love and trust with my whole heart. You showed me just how much I could give myself to someone. You showed me my highest capabilities as a significant other. I gave you every part of me. You were my first everything. I truly devoted myself to you for five entire years. I think that’s the most impressive thing I’ve ever done.

Also, you’ve taught me about exactly what not to base a relationship off of. Our relationship was completely started off of lies and manipulation. I didn’t know I could still trust someone who showed me exactly what not to do in order to gain somebody’s attention. I thought for sure I would have cut you off much sooner.

But I didn’t. I kept talking to you. I forgave you. I thank you for that, too. For teaching me how to forgive. I think you are the only person in my life that I truly forgive for doing a horrible thing to me. I have a lot of anger towards a lot of people, but I have never held anger towards you for the way you came into my life. And I never will. Because I’m grateful that you did it.

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I think you came into my life for a reason. Sure, that reason wasn’t to stay, but it was to be in my life and teach me how to love. And that’s what was truly important about our relationship. Neither of us had any idea what we were doing, and somehow it worked. But not all the time...

Our relationship was so toxic. We brought out the worst in each other, and the best. You taught me how to love, but you also taught me how to hate. You taught me how to be sad, and how to be happy. There were so many times that you brought a smile to my face, but it was equal in tears. We used our weaknesses against each other, which is something two people who love each other should never do.

You showed me so much about the world. You taught me how to travel and how to appreciate every second of my days. You taught me about the good things in life: new foods, tasty wine, vodka cranberries in cute bowling alleys, sitting in bus stations for hours on end, new music, new ways of thinking -- I could go on forever.

I miss you every day. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. I probably always will. But it was just time to go our separate ways. We were never meant to be. We gave up too much for each other and ended up resenting each other for it.

I’m genuinely sorry for all the times I upset you or lied to you, and I know that you’re just as sorry in return. I hope someday we can be a part of each others' lives again, but right now we need to take a break from each other for a long time. I need to detox myself of you completely if I ever want to move on. You were my entire life for five years, and I need to learn how to live without you, and vice versa. I’m so thankful for the beautiful memories we share, and I hope someday we can make more as good friends. I care about you and I’ll probably still care about you until the day I die.

Thank you for everything. To the moon and back, OK?

Your Pumpkin.