Dear everyone,

As it turns out, I've become a "college loser", which is the self proclaimed equivalent to the high school nerd. I don't go to parties, I overload my course schedule, I'm alway studying or practicing, and I barely go out. This is a letter to all of you, collectively, about some of my feelings and experiences. As someone who is completely dedicated to their academic work, I don't want to come across as trying to be better than anyone. I cannot judge or place myself on a higher position than anyone, because I am an individual, an individual college loser.

To My General Friends,

Many of you are very supportive of my course load, and none of you have gone out of your way to tell me I've "gone crazy" or that "I'm an overachiever," as if it's a bad thing. Many of you have offered that no matter what, you'll be there when I need to cry or scream or complain about my coursework load, even though it's something I took on myself. Thank you for knowing that I am doing all of this because I have a need to be better. Not better than you, of course, but better than my past self. My constant need for self improvement and intellectual growth is so important to me, and to all those who have been supportive, I cannot tell you just how much that means to me. You guys are what keeps me grounded, like a family away from home.

I'm sorry that sometimes I chose not to go out with you all. I know that a lot of you go to parties, or go out into town a lot, and you try to get me to go with you. You have a right to do so, and I'm honored that you want to take me with you. When I decline you, it's not because I do not want to spend time with you. Selfishly, I am prioritizing my work over my social life. I want to keep healthy relationships with you all, but I will have to wear the term "college loser" with pride. Parties are not my scene, I don't have a lot of money, and my family has worked hard to send me to college so that I can self improve. My philosophy, for myself, is that my work comes first. And I'm sorry if it makes it seem like I disapprove of how you live, or that I don't want to hang out with you. It's more about me than it is you. And if you have kept being friends with me since, I thank you.

To My Very Best Friend,

I haven't seen you since early July, and it makes me sadder than you think. You're back home, and the two of us are super busy with our own schedules. Being overseas makes it even harder for both of us to talk, and I genuinely miss seeing your face every single day. I can't believe I won't be able to hang out with you during the Christmas season this year, one of our favorite seasons, or spend New Years together, or even get to see each other for our birthdays. I have an insane schedule, you know that because I've complained about it before. More often than not I miss your phone calls, or I don't pick up because I'm in class, and whenever I try to call you back you're probably busy as well, or asleep given the time difference. I blame myself more than I blame you, and while I don't feel like our friendship is fading, I still feel like I miss how together we used to be. I want to thank you for your patience with me, I know I'm a frustrating friend. But by being like this, you're allowing me to grow as a human being. It's what makes you one of my best friends, and I hope I can repay you in any way. I promise that from now on I'm going to try and make a better effort to talk to you, because I can't think of a life without you.

To My Family,

I'm sorry I don't call very often, but I miss you guys more than you could imagine. When I first moved into my dorm I didn't imagine I'd be as homesick as I am. I didn't think I'd miss my room this much. I wanted to get away from fighting with my siblings, which I realized provided some substance, because I usually wouldn't feel guilty yelling back. (It's a sibling thing, we all love each other at the end of the day). In truth, I was ready to get away from the adults in my life too. But through distance I realized that nowadays, I need you all more than ever. Mom, I wish I had more time to call you and to talk to you. I miss hearing what you have to say, I miss having your shoulder to cry on, and I miss sharing my emotions with you. But I want you to know that my time is going into making all of your sacrifices worth it. It wasn't easy to get here, but I'm not ready to give up. My time is invested in my work, so while I don't get to hear your voice and you don't get to hear mine, just know that I'm investing all that work into bettering myself. I want to make all of you proud. I swear to call you all more often, and maybe even find the time to Skype. I'm more homesick than you know, but I'm working hard to make you all proud.

Sincerely,

Aleks

The College Loser