It's me. Younger You decided to write you a letter for the future because I somehow knew you'd be in need of some help later on. I have no idea what's wrong, obviously, because I can't see the future, but I do know that you probably feel terrible.
I've always been better at writing out my feelings rather than speaking them out loud and I've always been good at providing comforting words for others when they are upset or going through things, so I thought this letter would be useful for Future Me, whether that be one year from now or ten years later.
Remember when you were 8, 13, and 17? Ugh, those years sucked! And so did some of the years in between. But you got through them, even when you thought you wouldn't. And even when there were times that it became obvious that you probably wouldn't make it to the next year, unless you did something to change and push yourself through it.
You've been through so much, you've dealt with so many issues, and met so many different people, each of whom have had an impact on you and how you perceive yourself. There was a point when you thought you'd never be able to find someone who was kind and caring and respected you, but then you did. And after he left, you thought you'd never find another one like him, but then a month later, you did. And when you thought you'd never be able to trust another guy again, you still did. Sure it took you almost two years to do so, but you did it and I know how hard it was for you to do that.
As I'm writing this now, I am twenty years old and I have no idea if the people I'm friends with now will be in my future five or ten years from now; I have no idea if the guy I'm head over heels in love with will still make me feel the way he does now; I have no idea if I'll be living the life I've always dreamed of with a high-end career, a great boss, great pay, great clients, and co-workers, or if I'll be stuck at a dead-end job that sucks the life and soul out of me while paying me in peanuts.
I have no idea about any of those things, but what I do know is that I've made it this far. I got to go to my dream college, I made amazing friends, I have a great job that I'm actually excited to come in for, and I'm in love again and it feels so beautiful.
Looking back at the age of 8 and 13 and 17, I never thought I'd make it this far. I never thought I'd have all these things. And yes, life at 20 is no piece of cake, this year got off to a really rough start when you-know-what happened over the summer. I know you'll never be able to forget that, but I also hope you never forget who you were in the years prior. I know you never want to be your thirteen-year-old self again or relieve any of the things that occurred when you were seventeen, but it's important that you use them as a learning experience and as motivation to keep pushing forth.
I know you haven't been dealt with the best cards and God, it's been so hard to get by sometimes, but you will get through whatever you're dealing with and whether it be a few months or even a year, it will get better and you're gonna be so glad that you listened to yourself and kept going.
You've had so many people tell you that you should love yourself and that you can't be expected to love anyone truly until you've learned to love yourself first. But you and I both know that that's always been impossible for us. Growing up the way we had, it was harder than it sounded. I know I haven't always liked myself and there are parts of me that I wished weren't there, characteristics that I wish I could throw out the window, and personality traits that I'd trade in a heartbeat.
Your friends, your crushes, the people who look up to you, they've always made you feel loved and I'm assuming it's still the same now. But me writing this letter to you now is probably as much as I can come to loving myself. I don't necessarily hate myself anymore, though there are days I fall back into the habit of doing so. And maybe one day I will be able to love myself unconditionally, but until then I have these awesome words of wisdom and encouragement to guide me through the best and worst times of my life.
Finally, I hope reading this letter from 20-year-old me gives you some kind of happiness and motivation to keep going. I know it'll be hard, but you've made it past harder things and you've kept going despite the odds.
No matter what I'll be proud of you, even if no one else is and I'll believe in you, even if no one else does the same. And you know you deserve the best. You've always known. A lot of people will make you feel like you don't by not treating you the way you're worth, but their opinions shouldn't matter to you because they don't shape who you are or what you mean to yourself.
Just remember all these things and remember any other lesson you may have learned over the years, and you'll do great.