Dear Anxiety,
You cruel, cruel bitch. I'd like to think of you as a person. You're me, the me that I dread seeing in the morning, the me I've been trying to avoid for so long. With so much confidence and assurance, I can say that I despise you, and hope I never have to see you again.
We're at war, you and me. It's been one hell of a war these past few years. I believe that saying goes, "you may have won the battle but you haven't won the war." That sums up our relationship so well, anxiety. You've been winning a lot, but I can assure you those victories are small. Although sometimes I cave into you and obey your every command, I'll still come out on top -- one day. Whether that day is tomorrow, or in a year, you will never win this war we are in.
However, you're very clever. Sometimes, you go away. Who knows how long it'll be until I see you again. When you're gone, I can finally live. I can go out, have fun, enjoy my friends and family. In the back of my mind, I know you may come back, you always do. I don't know why you return to me so often, am I that good a host? Feeding on my ability to adhere to your rules. You're definitely a force to be reckoned with, which makes it so hard for me to get rid of your completely.
Like I said before, I think of you as a person. We're exactly the same, in every way. Except you bring out my worst qualities. When you're in charge, it's hard to live. I find it difficult to be happy, to do the things I would normally love doing. You make my chest weigh 100 pounds, and walls feel as though they're closing in on me as every second in the day passes. The only way to ignore you is to sleep, but you make it impossible to close my eyes. In my head, you scream my most concerning thoughts, you make it impossible to calm down. When you're around, you make my life a living hell.
Maybe, though, I should be thankful for having you in my life. I've grown stronger because of you. Oh anxiety, you've been torturing me since I was just 14. For half a decade you've been coming in and out of my life. Back then, I wouldn't have imagined becoming as strong as I am now. You're not the only demon I'm battling, but you're the only one that I haven't completely overcome. We've both gotten stronger as the years have gone by, and each day I believe I'm closer to finally winning the war.
