We all know that as Americans, we tend to avoid discussing things that make us uncomfortable, especially with our children. We want to shield our children from the harsh truths of the world, so we water things down for them or avoid discussing them all together. This especially applies to issues regarding sex and sexuality.

Parents often look to the school system to provide this information at the correct time in their development, and occasionally the parents themselves will supplement this in school instruction with some of their own words of advice. But, the reality of this is that kids aren't receiving the sex education they really need. Current statistics show that on average only 50 percent of teens are receiving education about contraception methods before engaging in sexual activity and even less are receiving information on where to get contraception. In addition, our society still emphasizes misogynist values that force kids into heterosexual roles and promotes rape culture. Our school systems are failing our children in every regard in this category, and reforms are needed in some major categories.

But in the meantime, here are three things parents should be telling their children:

1. Abstinence is Not Your Only Option

Although teens should definitely wait until they are mature enough to handle the responsibilities and risks involved with participating in intercourse of any kind, they need to be armed with the knowledge they need should they not choose to wait until marriage. Studies have shown that promoting abstinence alone does not delay the onset of sexual behavior in teens and instead just puts them at much higher risk for unwanted pregnancies and STIs. Some school systems do teach kids about the different forms of contraception available to them and how they work, but very rarely do they provide them with information on how to access these things. It’s essential that teens get this information sooner rather than later, because these details are often provided too late in their educational career. Additionally, a frequently missed detail is that STIs can be contracted in other forms of sexual contact besides traditional penetrative intercourse, so protective barriers should be used in any sexual activity where body fluids come in contact. Make sure your teen knows what options are available to them and let them know that although you'd rather they didn't participate in sexual activities, if they do make that choice you want them to be safe and you are there as a resource to ensure they get access to contraception.

2. Consent is Fundamental to Responsible Sexual Encounters

Our current sex education system adores preaching abstinence to kids, especially young girls, "just say no!" "Don’t give in to peer pressure!"- But where are the messages teaching our kids to accept when someone says no? Based on current surveys 35 percent of sexual assault cases go unreported because the victim was unsure whether or not it was a crime. Additionally, 32 percent of college men in one survey said they would force themselves on a woman, but only 13 percent of the same group of men said they would rape- demonstrating that most rapists don't understand that what they are doing is rape. We need to be teaching our children from day one that consent is required and an essential part of respecting other human beings. Furthermore, consent is only a very clear yes- not maybe, not lack of a no (contrary to what 18 percent of college students believe), and definitely not a clear no. This kind of education can start very early, ask your children for a hug rather than forcing it on them, respecting their right to consenting to any physical contact teaches them to treat others the same way. Basic respect is something that children are often denied and this teaches them that in certain roles people are entitled to do whatever they want to another person. We see it in movies when men often are portrayed as forcefully kissing a woman and that being "romantic" or we often see coercion portrayed as an acceptable way to gain consent. Talk to your kids about these issues and let them know that this kind of behavior is not acceptable.

3. Heterosexual and Cisgender is Not the Default

A common narrative amongst people within the MOGII spectrum is that they didn't find their true identity until later in life because they didn't know that the way they felt "had a name.” When kids reach the age that they begin discovering their sexuality this may mean that they come to the realization that they are not necessarily heterosexual. Now that same sex marriage has been legalized nationwide and transgender rights have become a much more prevalent discussion, people of differing orientations and gender identities have gained some more visibility in society, kids still have very little exposure to anything other than traditional heterosexual relationships as an example. This can cause a lot of distress and confusion for young people who may not identify the way the media portrays as "normal,” and encourages kids to ridicule each other for deviating from the examples given to them. Teaching kids that all love is beautiful and that not all people necessarily identify with the gender assigned to them at birth is essential to their self-exploration process. Telling your kids about other orientations and transgender people does not cause them to "choose" to be gay. Let's be clear here: sexual orientation and gender identity are not something you can choose. You're simply arming your children with the language to properly express the way they feel and validating their experiences. Additionally, if your child does begin expressing an interest in queer relationships, make sure to talk to them about safe sex within that context. Inclusive sex education in this country is pretty much non-existent which is why queer teens are much more likely to contract an STI and are at much higher risk for dating violence and coercion.