I hate scary movies. And books. And TV shows. Basically, if it’s meant to give you chills, I don’t want it anywhere near me.

And yet, I can’t seem to stop watching American Horror Story.

Let me backtrack for a moment: I didn’t intend to get hooked. Last year, I was intrigued when I found out that my idol, Lady Gaga, was making a cameo on the show after she’d been absent for the spotlight for so long. My roommate, a longtime fan of the franchise, cajoled me into watching the premiere of Hotel with her.

If anyone else has seen the first episode, you don’t need me to tell you how graphic and disturbing it is. After covering my eye for the entire hour and a half (and sleeping with the lights on) I swore I’d never subject myself to it again.

American Horror Story nights always took place in my room, though, and I found myself watching despite my previous promise to myself. I’m glad I did, because once I looked past all of the gore and torture, I found some surprising gems within a show I’d one written off. American Horror Story’s strength lies in its characters—from the decadent, toxic Countess to the surprisingly sunny Liza Taylor to the calculated, bloodthirsty Mr. March, everyone in the show adds a unique dynamic to the plotline. I’d never seen characters like this before, characters that delighted in drama and violence but still had likable personalities. Hypodermic Sally, for example (portrayed by Sarah Paulson) suffered greatly from abuse and addiction, torturing guests in futile attempts to make her pain fade. It’s difficult to bring comic relief to such a dark character, and I’d hesitate to try to do so with my own writing. Sally, though, with her crimped hair and love for social media, feels just right. Her story is tragic, certainly; however, AHS never feels sorry for itself.

The continuity of AHS was something else that drew me in. Throughout Hotel, the viewers see flashbacks to the fame murder house of season one as well as a guest appearance from the renowned psychic Billie Dean Howard on Devil’s night. As I went back and watched other seasons, it all became clear to me: the genius of the world building so carefully constructed wasn’t confined to just one season.

As I ponder My Roanoke Nightmare, I think back to when I couldn’t even stomach trailers for the show, I’m still not a huge fan of horror, but ever since I checked into the Cortes, I can’t seem to tera myself away.