If The American Girl Dolls Were St. Louis High School Students

If you are a girl and you don't know what an American Girl doll is, I'm assuming that you lived under a rock while growing up. Seriously, girls were creepily obsessed with these hundred dollar dolls that literally just sat there and did nothing. The cool thing about these money-sucking things is that they all come with a story to try and get girls to learn about a different time period in life. Let's be real though, as 7-year-olds we did not care about that. They all have different personalities and would all fit perfectly into a St. Louis High School.

Kaya

Kaya is supposed to be a naturally outgoing girl, who is brave and a leader. However, when I Googled Kaya, it told me that "Kaya" was another word for weed, which means she is a huge stoner. She is probably one of those girls that was a teacher's pet growing up because of her psychotically strict parents then ended up snapping and rebelling in high school. Don't do drugs like Kaya.

Kaya belongs at St. Pius. I mean, you've probably seen some goodie-two-shoes go into Pius, then come out addicted to acid. She will most likely straighten up when she goes to college though because she literally went through her partying years when she should have been worried about turning in her geometry homework.

Felicity

Felicity is a hardcore redneck who just so happens to be rich and owns a horse. You know that girl that wears Miss Me Jeans, too much foundation, and have the time and energy to curl their hair every single day of high school? Yes, that it probably Felicity. According to my source, she is very good at standing up to bullies, so she is probably one of those people that @'s people in tweets instead of subtweeting them, but only if they tweet about her first.

Felicity would make jokes about the school that she comes from like she is too good for it. Seckman. Seckman is kind of like the wannabe rednecks. You for sure know that they are in the home of meth, but they also have a bunch of girls who think they are Instagram models. Felicity will end up dropping out of Jeffco after Seckman and drinking wine every day with her filthy rich family for the rest of her life, even though the rest of her town is not nearly as wealthy as her.

Elizabeth

Elizabeth is Felicity's friend who is shy and has the nickname "Bitsy," whatever that means. She apparently comes from a family who is extremely well off. She basically just follows Felicity around like a little puppy dog

Elizabeth goes to Ursuline. Ursuline is a private school, so it fits her rich families desires to send her somewhere to get a better education. However, since she isn't a total spoiled brat, they sent her somewhere that the girls are at least a little bit more down to earth and also because she isn't really smart enough to go to any of the other all-girls private schools.

Caroline

Caroline is a major jock that could probably kick any boy's ass in any sport. She also likes building stuff, especially ships, which is kind of a weird hobby for a girl to have, but I mean whatever floats your boat. Haha. Her story is that her father gets captured, so she goes to save him. So her life is basically just the movie "Taken" except the roles are reversed.

You already know that Caroline goes to Eureka and her dad was probably just lost somewhere in Six Flags. People from other schools cry when they have to play against Eureka in literally any sport, so it makes sense that she goes there. No one knows how Eureka does academically. All people seem to care about is avoiding them in sports at all costs. Coaches who had to play against Caroline's team has probably said in the locker room before the game started, "Well, just go try your best," without even having a game plan because they already knew that they were going to lose. After leaving Eureka Caroline definitely probably went D1 in soccer, after winning a few state championships in high school.

Josefina

Josefina lives with her extended family so you know some stuff went down with her real family, which is pretty sad. Josefina has a pet goat, so you know she has to have tons of patience because goats can be pretty mean. Have you ever tried to feed one? They jump all over you. She speaks Spanish which is pretty cool, but no one really cares about that. Honestly, the only cool thing about her is that she has a cool name and a goat. She isn't really athletic or outgoing or anything like that.

Josefina goes to Windsor for one reason only. She for sure lives in that house right by Windsor's fields with that goat that you think is so cute... until it rams its head into the fence and tries to kill you. Windsor is also not really good at anything either so she will fit in great there.

Marie-Grace

Marie-Grace's mom died, but her dad is a doctor and saves other people from yellow fever, but for some reason didn't save her mom. Because Marie-Grace lost her mom she is very caring for people and is always willing to help people in need. She's a genuinely nice girl who is smart.

Kirkwood is just an all around great school. Literally, if you live in Kirkwood there is no point in sending your kid to a private school. She would probably spend her time on student council and would always be at football and basketball games in their huge fan crowd cheering on her team. Kirkwood's school spirit makes the movie "High School Musical" look bad.

Kirsten

This girls hair is strange, to say the least. She is probably that annoying girl who tries to set a trend, but everyone is just confused. Kirsten struggles to speak English and lives on a farm, so you know she is a hard worker, and probably ripped.

Holt is a bunch of hicks who know they are hicks and are also weird AF. If someone showed up to school wearing their hair like Kirsten does, at first it would be the talk of the school, then it might actually turn into a thing. People also get sick going to your school for sports games because it is so far away from everywhere.

Addy

Addy was a slave that escaped, which is pretty cool. She deals with a lot of racism and overcomes all of the hardships that she went through in life by getting the internship of a lifetime. She's one badass doll.

We are sending Addy to Mehlville because she will mess someone up if they even think about being racist. No one really knows what Mehlville's stereotype is because they literally are just a mutt school of South St. Louis. She would likely be that freshman all-star on her basketball team.

Samantha

Oh God. Samantha was raised in straight wealth and she is pretty so you know she definitely thinks that she is better than everyone else. Seriously, she is a nine-year-old girl and has a freaking servant who her rich grandma aka "Grandmary" pays for because she probably doesn't want to take care of Samantha herself. She definitely dresses up every day to school and had known had to do makeup since she was like 12.

People probably don't even have to read this to know that Samantha goes to MICDS. What other school would she go to? She could literally walk into a school like Kirkwood and think that they are all too poor. Why would she want to go to a school where "public school kids" are? Gross! You better believe that she walks around with her nose in the air. She is probably on the tennis team, which is for sure the most basic rich kid sport anyone could think of. You already know she constantly tweets about why Trump is the best president America has ever had.

Nellie

Nellie is Samantha's poor friend. Samantha probably considers it service hours to hang out with Nellie, but whatever. Nellie has to work hard in order to get by, which means having to pretend to agree with everything Samantha says. She's low-key cuter than Samantha, though.

Nellie would likely go to Bayless, a school that you are probably shocked made this list. It is one of the last schools before you enter the city and really isn't that great at sports either. If you meet someone from Bayless, you probably ask, "What is that?" which is exactly why Nellie belongs there. She probably spends her time going and hanging out with people from other random schools because that is what everyone who is there seems to do.

Rebecca

Rebecca is the first Jewish doll. She doesn't really know much about her religion, though, because she doesn't care to learn. Her parents are very strict and she never wants to listen because she thinks that she is too cool for them. She wants to become an actress, so she obviously is extremely unrealistic and immature.

Rebecca goes to Parkway Central or "Parkway Temple". If you weren't Jewish, you loved Jewish holidays, because you basically got free days in all of your classes. Since Rebecca doesn't give a crap about her religion, she probably just skipped school because it was her religion, then snuck out of her house and went to parties. She's the type of girl when you're scrolling through Facebook after you graduate that will be posting pictures of her baby that you never knew she had.

Kit

Kit is one of the most underestimated girls in the collection. She is poor because her dad got "laid off", which means he probably got fired from his job for doing God knows what, but she doesn't let that make her sad. She is legit obsessed with baseball, so I am assuming she plays softball. She also loves writing so that is probably why she is so happy all of the time.

Kit is a lesbian, so we are sending her to Rosati-Kain. She most likely writes for the school paper or Odyssey and people think she is really annoying. She is a genuinely good friend though and a great public speaker and will likely end up going really far in life.

Ruthie

Ruthie is Kit's BFF who is legit unhealthily obsessed with fairies and princesses. Ruthie is on drugs.

If Ruthie was a dude, we would send her to DesMet. Unfortunately, she isn't, so she is going to Marquette. She isn't exactly poor, but she loves drugs, so we figured that this school fits.

Molly

Molly is the definition of someone who will tell on you for doing anything wrong in life. Do not let Molly follow your Finsta. She likes summer camp and probably spends all of her time doing her homework then posting on Facebook about how she got straight A's AGAIN! WOW!

Molly would go to visitation, because everyone there is obsessed with getting good grades and being a good girl. If you aren't a good girl, you probably aren't liked much by your classmates. Molly is the type of girl who never learned the concept of "snitches get stitches." She also probably never will.

Maryellen

No one knows who this is and also no one cares.

Festus.

Julie

Julie is literally the definition of a huge hippie who does literally whatever she wants. No one can tell her what to do, not even her parents. She isn't the type of girl to sneak out at night, she is the type to just walk right out of the front door and be like, "Go ahead and try to stop me." She is the type to support Bernie Sanders and then be like, "Wait, is he a republican or a democrat?

Nerinx Hall is where Julie belongs. She is one of those girls who went to a private school all of her life and is in the "I don't need my parents to tell me what to do" stage. She is all about girl power as well! Women are the best! However, you probably roasted your classmates in the hallways behind their backs. Also, your hair is very long and healthy, because you never had to actually style it.

Ivy

Ivy's family is crazy. She is a crazy good athlete, but her family won't let her fulfill her talents so she literally goes insane. Probably ends up pregnant before graduation.

Fox is known for having good athletes end up either quitting or becoming pregnant. Fox is kind of like that wannabe city school, but is actually super Jeffco. Every once in awhile, they have an incredible athlete come to their school, but they don't have good enough teammates to actually win games. Ivy probably spends her free time playing or watching sports, then picking fights with Seckman on Twitter.

*If you are upset your school didn't make the list, drop your school's name below and a nice description of a stereotype your school has and maybe I will write a similar article and include your school in it.*

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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