Family Guy is a trashy television show. I love it, but it's true. Seth MacFarlane went out his way to give us characters that we could simultaneously love and hate with the Griffin family--and he does a great job of it. Peter's outlandish antics, Lois' constant nagging, Meg's....Meg stuff, Brian's constant drinking and Stewie's constant struggle between killing everything around him and picking up a nice gentleman at the bar make the show the most ridiculous thing most people have seen. But it isn't even close to McFarlane's best work.

Welcome to Langley Falls, Virginia, where the skies are blue, the dads are conservative, the news anchors are gay and the CIA director is British. American Dad follows the lives of Stan Smith, an upper-mid level CIA operative, and his family on a series of misadventures similar to the ones that are littered throughout Family Guy. But that is where the similarities end. American Dad is simply a stronger show than Family Guy and it all has to do with the characters.

Stan Smith vs. Peter Griffin

Peter and Stan are the titular characters of their respective series, but they are far from the same character. Peter Griffin is quite literally an idiot, while Stan is a highly trained agent. While both represent conservative values, Stan is the only one who is politically active and actually seems to care about the direction of the nation. They both have a daughter that they aren't proud of, but Stan attempts to "help" Hayley see that he means well, whereas Peter spends most of his time bullying Meg. Stan has far more depth of character, with actual parenting responsibilities and a real job that requires real skill, whereas Peter is just a neighborhood drunk.

American Dad: 1 Family Guy: 0

Francine Smith vs. Lois Griffin

As the main foils to Peter and Stan, Lois and Francine see a lot of screen time and have more than a few episodes focused on themselves over the years. Both play very important roles on their shows, but the edge here has to go to Lois. Francine is seen mostly as a sounding board for Stan and Roger's ideas, but Lois is a real person. She also happens to be married to the biggest jackass on television while raising a sociopath and dealing with a family pet who's obsessed with her. Francine does have some good moments, like the incomparable Familyland episode, but most of the value she brings the show comes from just being a housewife. Gotta go ahead and chalk this one up for Lois.

American Dad: 1 Family Guy: 1

Hayley Smith vs. Meg Griffin

.....don't make me do this, guys. We all know I'm not picking Meg here.

American Dad: 2 Family Guy: 1

Roger Smith vs. Stewie Griffin

Now this is a good matchup. Both are just ridiculous characters, as Stewie is a homicidal baby and Roger is an alcoholic alien, but they lead the pack in entertainment value. Even in episodes that aren't about them, their one-liners and tiny stories make every appearance worth it. Early season Stewie was honestly better than early season Roger, but the second Seth MacFarlane let Roger out of the house and made Stewie possibly gay, Roger snagged the upper hand here. Somehow, having a gay character seems more realistic when it is an alien instead of a baby.

American Dad: 3 Family Guy: 1

Steve Smith vs. Chris Griffin

Steve Smith might be the most underrated character in animated television. Something about him drives most episodes, whether it's Stan's unending disappointment in him, a plan with his nerdy friends or just some goof with him and Roger, Steve never fails to make an impact on the episode. Chris is no slouch either, getting some good material out of various puberty-related hijinks and creating the situation leading up to my all-time favorite MacFarlane musical number (albeit a little NSFW) , Down Syndrome Girl:

That being said, Chris' value is again derived from those around him, whereas Steve drives most every episode.

American Dad: 4 Family Guy: 1

Klaus Smith vs. Brian Griffin

In the early seasons of American Dad, this is a much better matchup, as Klaus has more screen time and actually a little bit of flesh (pun intended) to his character. Brian is as Brian always is--a copious drinker, failed writer, pretentious d-bag and occasional womanizer, but Klaus is reduced to nothing more than the occasional one-liner after season 3. He does have one brilliant moment, putting the fear of God into Steve and Roger in season 4, but he's largely just there for show, at this point. Brian takes this one on sheer force of character.

American Dad: 4 Family Guy: 2

So there you have it, guys--my completely scientific method for determining that American Dad is a better show than Family Guy. I'm still a big fan of both shows and I think Seth MacFarlane might be a genius, but science is science. American Dad is untouchable.