I am Undecided. Undeclared. Suffering from creative indecision. Or whatever words you might find suitable to encompass not knowing what to study in college.
Since I can remember, I have struggled to pin down what I am passionate about. I find myself flowing from one area to another. Liking some things, loving others, but never really feeling fully invested or satisfied with what I am doing. That has followed me into college. As I meet new people, find different clubs, and partake in varying activities we all know the question that looms: “What’s your major?” And every time I so wish I had a concrete answer, but I don’t. I really don’t.
I know colleges and universities try their best to flaunt their beliefs that Undecided is the way to be, that a majority of students find themselves in this same position, that you’ll be able to figure it out, blah blah blah. And yes, I do believe that eventually I will be able to figure out what I want to study. But, man does that time seem far away.
I feel like there are two very separate ways society is telling us to go in terms of our Undergraduate education. The first being that this is a time to explore, find yourself, and take whatever obscure classes might be of interest to you. But, on the other hand we are being told that this is the time to figure out what comes after. To know exactly what it is you want to do with your life. To embark on a four year plan and go go go. How is that fair though? How is it fair that we are being met with astonishingly different perspectives, because in my case it is making my hunt for a major that much more difficult.
I find myself envious of the people that know what they want to study. But, also in a way, I'm happy that I don’t know. That is the problem here, for myself and I imagine many others. We don’t know whether to be content in not knowing or frankly scared to death. Because sure, I can take a varying arrange of classes, knock some of those core requirements out of the way, and “find myself,” but what about life after? Or the fact that the clock to declare is ticking away?
I think the thing I am trying to focus on away from all the madness and mixed messages we get from universities, parental figures, and advisors is the idea that I want to be focused in my chaos. I understand that this next year and a half I spend desperately hoping to uncheck the box from Undecided and onto a more decisive declaration is going to be a year and a half of disarray. But as long as I am clear in that very fact, that is the best thing I can do. A quotation from The Intimate Act of Choreography that I think sums this idea up nicely is: “There is a distinct difference between a dance being chaotic and a dance making a clear statement about chaos.”
So to my fellow peers that get tired of repeating the word “Undecided,” embrace the chaos and make the fact clear that you have not an earthly idea what is going on.
