3...2...1...PANIC!
Graduation is sneaking up on my like a robber in a dark alley. Slowly, and then all at once.
Covered in the filth of the unknown and reeking of unpaid student loans.
Sure, I've been waiting for graduation for years: waiting to be a real person in the real world, or something like that... You think I would have learned my lesson by now. I couldn't wait until nap time was a thing of the past and now I pray for a moment to rest my eyes, I used to hate high school uniforms and rules and now I find myself struggling for clean(let alone matching) socks every morning.
I wish there was still someone to walk me though each assignment and let me re-do exams during my study halls. Hell, I wish there were still study halls.
I wanted my own car but didn't realize the responsibility or small fortune it would cost to maintain one.
I couldn't wait to get mail and now I pray it's a paycheck from that one weekend I was home on break and not another electric bill.
I would be more than willing to rewind a few years and take all those naps, accept all the help, and kick my feet up as I got chauffeured around town on my mall dates with my friends.
Now things seems a bit too real, the times of having a clean-up crew follow me around waiting for me to make a mistake are quickly coming to an end and opportunities sometimes seem fewer and farther between then ever before.
Some days, I wake up with so much determination I think I could run the world and other days crawling out of bed is a task.
I'm nowhere near done making mistakes and learning from them but I'm closer than ever to desperately needing to be the best me I can be.
Discouragement is such an ugly thing. One comment or rejection, an insult when I was expecting praise can really send a girl into a downward spiral of, perhaps irrational, gloom and glum.
The hardest part of this growing up business seems to be continuing to believe that I am capable. I know just what I want, I'm well aware that the path getting there isn't going to be all roses and sunshine, and I fully understand that more times then not I will be my only cheerleader, but the real trick is finding the beginning of that path.
The trees are thick and the road is unpaved but I know how much I want all the things that I want and if it means paving the road myself then I guess I'll purchase a steamroller tomorrow.
Motivation is key in success.
It doesn't matter if nobody else in the entire world understands my reasons or mad methods; as long as I understand myself I can't help but believe that eventually things will end up okay.
That doesn't mean I won't face a plethora of rejection and criticism or that I won't cry myself to sleep or ask why the hell these seemingly awful things keep derailing my from my self-made path, but that's just it; it's my self-made path.
If something goes wrong and I decided to take my life in an entirely different direction, well thank God I bought that steamroller.
