I was 17 years old when I met Avery. I was young with a lot to learn about myself and life. I had dated a few different kinds of guys, all of which were cis (you can look up what it means. I think it's rude and contradictory to say what it means considering my point in this article is to treat all men equally). Anyway, moving on!
I was always taught that you love who you love. My mom didn't like for me to call anyone anything except human beings. For the first half of my life, I didn't describe people by their race or sexuality. I was innocent and thought we were all equal. I was living in a world we all dream can be the reality one day. I was first enlightened on what being transgender was when a YouTuber that I liked named Jeydon Wale came out on Tumblr. I had a crush on him and kind of forgot over the years he was even trans. He was just another cute guy on the internet if you ask me. Then, when I was 15, a close friend of mine came out as trans and educated me a lot more. He was truly happy for the first time in his life, and that's when I truly saw how much it meant that I supported him. Transitioning is difficult, especially at a young age, and I always hated to admit that. I hate that identifying as a certain gender is "wrong" or "not normal" based on fucking body parts. Damn, it ticks me off.
I'll never forget one of the first things Avery said to me when we started texting.
"By the way, I don't have a penis. Cue not getting a text back..."
That broke my heart. He honestly thought I was oblivious to what him being trans meant. And even worse, he expected me to not want him after that. Can we all let that set in for a second? Life is way too short not to open our eyes and see people for who they truly are and who they deserve to be wholeheartedly. Life is way too short not to open our hearts to love whoever we are attracted to. If you're attracted to someone, you're not necessarily seeing his/her genitals. You're seeing her eyes. You're seeing his jawline. You're seeing they way they say certain words, the jokes they say, the freckles on her nose, the way his hair looks messy but cute. People are exquisite for so many reasons, and those reasons go far beyond what's between their legs.
Let me get to my point. I could go on forever. I love Avery because he's Avery. I am not special or brave for loving Avery. I am no different that the straight white girl reading this lying next to her husband. She is with her soulmate and I am with mine. She is having a traditional wedding and so am I. I'm not doing anything "good." I don't deserve credit for loving someone any more than anyone else loving anyone else!
I am not trying to dismiss trans pride. If you are proud of your trans partner and want to spread awareness and shout it from the rooftops, please do! My boyfriend prefers to be known as my boyfriend, a male, a boy, a man. And, as much as I can, I will make sure everyone who sees me with him knows him as just that. For people who know his story, I will go on and on shamelessly because I am proud personally. But this is his story to tell, not mine. My boyfriend is the bravest person I know. Being who you are in this world can have its challenges, and I admire everyone in the LGBTQA+ community. However, I am a privileged white girl who has had a very good life. I've never known what it's like to be hated for who I am, so who would I be to act like I am doing something brave? I will never understand what Avery and many other people go through on a daily basis.
I will continue to try to create a world that fights stigma. I will always strive to create an environment where we can one day say that people are people and love is love. I want a world where a boy is a boy if that's what he wants to be, and where a girl is a girl if she so chooses.
All in all, I want to create a world where I am not a hero for loving someone for being who they are. I hope it'll someday be the norm instead of something admirable.
XO,
Sarah
