When I love someone, I love them fully and deeply. I am one of those people who will make it known that I care, and I will never let my significant other forget how I feel about them. It is both a blessing and a curse to be this caring because I typically get my heart broken because of it. I can say, though, that I would rather be nice and get my heart broken than be heartless. Even though I am a caring and loving person, I can only take so much crap before I get fed up with a situation.
"If you love someone, let them go." It's a saying we've all heard at some point in our lives. When I was younger, I really didn't understand what this meant. I didn't get how a person was supposed to let go of someone they loved. Why would anyone want to do that? If you love someone, aren't you supposed to cherish them? Aren't you supposed to let them know you are never going to leave them, even when things get rough? Now, I finally understand what this means and why it is sometimes necessary.
This is the last time I will write about my ex, the last time I will write about my issues regarding that relationship because I am moving on. I am moving on and letting go because, at this point, that is what I need to do for myself and him. Is this an easy task? Hell no, but I am going to pull through it because this is my life. At the end of the day, this is about me, not him or anyone else.
I've been struggling a lot with this breakup because actions have been so different than words spoken. He will say one thing and do another. To me, his intentions are completely unknown. I have been spending so much time trying to figure out his intentions, but I am done. I am tired of feeling this way and I am tired of feeling like I am being strung along.
Like I said, I can deal with a lot of crap before I get fed up. I have reached the point to where I am fed up, I am angry about the things that were hidden from me. I am angry about the fact that the person I loved, who said he wanted to be friends with me, is kicking me out of his life and it doesn't bother him one bit. This is why I am moving on.
No matter how much you love or care about a person, if they treat you badly, you should let them go. No one deserves that, and no one deserves to feel like they weren't enough. My gut has been telling me for a while that I need to leave this situation behind, but I just couldn't do it. My heart was so set on eventually getting back with my ex, and it began destroying me.
I started hating myself again. I haven't hated myself in a very long time, but the lack of interest that my ex was showing made me feel undesirable, which was very sad because I used to be confident. He woke up demons that I forgot I even had. But about a week ago, I laid those demons to rest again. I gained back the confidence that I lost, and I realized I am going to be okay. I am okay, and there is nothing wrong with me.
The issues that are going on aren't because of something I did. These things happened because of him, and I can't let myself go and drown in my demons because of it. From now on, I am going to love myself. I am not perfect, but I am a good person and I deserve good things. I am a firm believer that we all deserve nice things, so I am going to go out and find those nice things. I am going to hang out with friends, find a new hobby, take photographs of beautiful things, and, most importantly, I am going to move on.
