Woah Woah. Wait. Did you just read that right? Did I just admit that I am cheating and I think it is okay? Yes, you read that correctly, but it does not mean what you think it does. I am not cheating on a person.
I am cheating on my home.
My heart belongs to a different place even though I lay my head down in a homey suburb in Indiana.
Some people dream of having a quaint, little house that is decorated from pinterest ideas. Some people want a big house that is decorated by someone that is not themselves. Some people just want to settle down. I am not a part of that some people. I dream of living out of a backpack. I dream of making a 'home' in a new place every few months. I want to expand my family to different parts of the world and celebrate the differences between us. I have had the chance to live abroad and it awakened something in me that I can not put back to sleep. I have this crazy urge to pack up my life and see the mountains. Tell my secrets to the trees.
Personally, I think the biggest mistake someone can make is not pushing themselves outside of their boundaries. You can never know where you belong if you don't try to figure it out. I am a big advocate of seeing the world. Appreciating the people, the culture, the life of other places. Even if you end up in the place that you grew up, at least you have seen places that aren't comfortable for you.
At the same time, I don't want to live my life as a tourist. I don't want to feed into the culture of using a place for its' tourist attractions. I want the opposite. I want to live their life. I want to understand their struggles and their positives. I want to consider every place 'home'.
I say I am cheating because I stay chained to this consistency in my life, I fall asleep in the same bed every night, but that is not where my heart is. My mind is not here and is not happy with this consistency. I am emotionally cheating on the life I live at this very moment and I think that is okay. I know I want that life but I can not have it yet. I have to be content with this life that I live until I can have the life that I want. Some day I will finally give in to the desires of my heart and I will finally break up with this suburb life, but until then I will have secret love affairs with other states. I will sneak away when no one is looking and profess my love to the landscape of colorado, Montana, or Wyoming.
I will come home and be happy until my next escape out of my window.
