I seem to keep writing about personal struggles, but it seems to me that more people than I think are dealing with the same issues. How rude would it be for me to withhold my knowledge from the world wide web? I'm kidding. But really. I've been through a lot of crappy stuff and I don't want any girl to get stuck like I have before. I'm going to be a little more open than normal in this post because I am not ashamed of who I am.

One of my biggest struggles is anxiety. I mean it's honestly annoying how much I overthink things. Anytime I form a new relationship or a crush or whatever, my anxiety is coming right along next to me. My favorite feature about myself is that I am funny. I mean I crack myself up all the time. My not-so-favorite feature is that I don't have a filter and my inside voice is about the same as your outside voice. If I think something I 9/10 will say it — loudly. This is a good thing when it comes to standing up for myself or a friend, but can be my Achille's heel when it comes to meeting new people.

Anxiety plus a big mouth equals nervous blabbering. Even if I mentally coach myself to not say something stupid in front of someone, I still do. It's exactly like the cartoon Lizzie from "Lizzie McGuire." Me blabbing nervously in front of a cute boy usually leads me down a spiral of negative thought about myself.

"Literally did you just say that."

"That was not the cute girl thing to say."

"Did you grow up in a barn? What the heck."

I have said all of these things to myself multiple times which then leads to the sulking. But why? Why should I feel bad about the fact that I get nervous and say dumb stuff? Everyone gets nervous and says dumb stuff. I got to the point of spiraling in these bad thoughts that I would think I was unworthy of Cute Boy A. Then unworthy of Cute Boy B. This is where I caught myself. I should never feel bad about myself because Cute Boy A thought my nervous blabber was weird.

Quick pause. I hope this is making sense. My inner Lizzie is rolling her eyes.

I realized that the reason I nervous blabber is because I am trying to impress someone. Not just Cute Boy A, but girls too. I told a joke to a girl during rush and it was so bad I literally wanted to crawl in a hole. This is where I have to stop myself. So what if I looked like an idiot in front of her? The odds of her thinking of that moment again are about that of a needle in a haystack. I had to bring myself back to earth and realize that no one else is analyzing everything I say or do like I am. Annabelle, you really aren't as big of a deal as you think. Everyone else is honestly so worried about themselves. My bad jokes probably fly right over most people's heads.

I remember one time I was going to a house where this really freaking cute guy was going to be. I told myself and my friend I was with that my lips needed to stay sealed. If I blabbed I would look like an idiot in front of Wonder Boy. I was successful that night and only spoke to a few girls when spoken to and exchanged about five words with my crush. When I left, instead of feeling proud that I didn't say anything dumb, I felt stupid. I walked into that house with the intention of being someone I was not. Let's say Wonder Boy likes the fake version of me. What happens when he asks to hang out and my big mouth opens up? I'd probably scare the poor boy. I don't ever want anyone to like me because of my reserved and fake persona.

I'm loud and I'm a lot for some people. I totally get that. The friends I have stick around because they love that part of me. The funny and silly side. The real me. I can be my raw self in front of them. The same should be for a boy. I should never change who I am to fit the mold I think someone else wants. I have to push my cartoon Lizzie aside and tell my stupid jokes. God made me loud. He made me funny. Why should I cover the personality traits He handpicked for me?

Once I realized this truth, being around people became so much easier. I didn't blabber random jokes like before. I can be myself and be comfortable with that around others. If someone decides to not love me for my loudness, then that's fine. Not everyone likes everyone. As long as I can go to sleep at night and feel comfortable in the way I used the traits that God gave me, that's all that matters. I know I blabbered a lot in this article so if none of it made sense all you need to know is this one truth:

Never change who you are for someone else and never apologize for being yourself.

The people that recognize and love your quirks are the people you want in your life. I still have to remind myself of this truth from time to time so don't feel defeated if you don't magically feel better in your next social setting. Keep being yourself and everything else will fall into place.