Almighty And Strength Unwavering

Almighty And Strength Unwavering

Find your voice.
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She was a quiet girl, one who stitched her mouth shut and kept her voice under lock and key. She never asked for anything, and nobody asked her for anything in return. She was left alone, and she liked it that way. As fate would have it, she one day found herself on the top of the world. Voices bombarded her head and demanded her to take control. At first she was uncomfortable, then displeased, then annoyed. She ripped the stitches from her lips and tore the lock from her voice, and screamed. The Earth split into pieces and the ocean stood still with shock. She was knocked to the ground and lay there, panting and shaking. With bloody palms and bruised knees, she pushed herself to her feet and wore her new power like a halo. Almighty and strength unwavering, she wore blood-colored lipstick over the scars where her stitches had been and destroyed the lock that guarded her voice.

Cover Image Credit: Allison Pericles

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved
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To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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Life Is About Discovering Yourself, And The Discovery Is Within You

One part of this journey is getting to know yourself

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"Dearly Beloved. We gather here to get through this thing called life." When Prince opened his song, "Let's Go Crazy" with this quote, it got a lot of people's attention. When we go through this thing called life, what do you want out of it? Money. Success. Fame. That's all temporary. But as long as you know who you are, that's permanent. It carries you through what your capable of, and how you approach the problem. It can be anything. Yet, it is your job to discover it. Do it through the impossible.

A lot of people say they want to travel to discover their selves. I find it fascinating, and some might find it crazy. My goal is to travel to New York, to see my adaptability to city life. Now, when I shared this, guess what everyone's reaction was? "You can't travel there by yourself!" Now I happen to agree with it, however, I realized when I say a goal that I want to reach, I do to the best of my ability to make it happen. Some people do travel to discover the unknown. I commend those people for doing so! Africa, China, Bora Bora. These are places that I would love to go! Some people do go to these places and have shared amazing experiences. Traveling is a true experience to discover your adventurous self.

Another way of discovering your strengths and weaknesses is reading. I love to read. It's the foundation of my love for writing. I remember I read "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man," by Steve Harvey. It was truly an eye-opener for my worth. When you are in the dating process I highly recommend to read it! It's a guide to see a man's perspective of things, and why they do it. And as women, we can be aware of it. Another book I read, which is the most important book to this day, is the Bible. From the story of Esther to giving me encouragement throughout the day, it has truly demonstrated the miraculous works of God. Now everyone thinks its a book that has sex, violence, and sacrifice. Yet people don't see beyond the reasons. God truly gave us one life to love, and with the Bible, it has shown me to live life to the fullest, yet remember who you are in Christ.

Shocking I know. You can discover yourself through your workflow. I work at my school, and I realized that I am a developer. A developer means that they work the situation out first before proceeding it permanently. When I found out, it made sense. I would list the different options of a project, ask questions, then proceed to complete it. Ask yourself this question when it comes to your workplace. What am I getting out of this job? If it's only a paycheck, it's not the right job for you (unless it's a small job such as retail). If you are truly getting morals and values out of it, it's worth getting up and working hard and smart.

I truly thank God for putting me on this Earth, to realize my full potential. It may not be easy, but it's truly worth fighting for. In any setback, God always gave me a comeback. Which means that I have a reason to get up every morning to dress up, show up, and never giving up.

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