Too often when people are down in the dumps, the line used to console someone is "it could always be worse". But what is the quantifier that differentiates one situation from another? Who is the decision maker when deciding your situation is worse than mine?
For many, it's very hard to admit when something is bothering them or an unfortunate event occurs in their life. It opens them up to judgment or criticism and the fact that someone else in the world knows what is going on. A lot of people also get caught up in the idea of not allowing themselves to be sad because of the idea of vulnerability.
Being sad or expressing fear shows that situations and external factors can affect you. Our society, especially for men, has made it so that showing negative emotions and being vulnerable proves that you're not strong, things can break you and get to you.
Keeping all of that in mind, when someone comes to you to talk, whether that be about what they made or a situation out of their control, don’t try to help by reminding them to be grateful for what they have.
Yes, complaining can become redundant but if you are being approached by someone who does not talk about their emotions often being told to be more positive makes them shut down. In reminding them that they may be more privileged than someone else, you are just trying to comfort them and give a positive perspective, however, you may instead be creating an idea of invalidation.
When a situation is out of their control, it's very frustrating to not be able to make the situation better so they came to you to know that someone else in the world understood them. Instead, that person may have interpreted your comforting words as a reminder that they are not allowed to feel this way and that they are being selfish.
Where is the balancing scale that differentiates one situation's turmoil over another? Everyone's backgrounds and perspectives on life have a huge influence on your interpretations of different situations so what may be terrible to you may not be as bad to someone else. However, if it is YOUR situation, why is the listener the one that gets to determine the severity?
People are affected by events, words, actions and situations differently so no one has any right to justify one tragic event over another. It's not necessary, they can both be negative for either party and you can be there for the person going through the situation without a comparison factor being required.
Ever have a friend that constantly comes to you with issues but never listens to your advice? Sometimes when people come to you, they don’t want advice. They just want a listening ear. Someone they can trust that won't criticize and will just allow them to vent and give them a hug or a shoulder to cry on at the end.
Human communication and having these difficult conversations may be hard to navigate the correct response so don’t be afraid to ask! If you're unsure if advice is requested, ask them because your presence and listening ear may be all they need.
