I am a perfectionist. I used to say this with pride because I thought everyone wanted perfection, and since I was doing my best to strive for it, wouldn't other people be impressed? Oh, how I wish I could go back and tell my young, naive self to treasure the journey instead of constantly chasing perfection. But I can't - so here I am trying to warn all of my fellow perfectionists of the dangers that come with perfectionism.
Let me ask you this: are you the one in control of your life, or are other people and the desire for perfection taking the wheel from your hands?
To ask yourself this question takes perspective because when we're in the midst of things, we see our desire for perfection to be the only thing we can focus on. Nothing else matters in the moment but perfection. This intense focus is problematic. It takes our attention away from other very important things - the ones we love and even ourselves. Though we perfectionists often believe our perfectionism is a good quality (which at times it can be), it's often a sign of our fear of failure as if the world would collapse from under our feet if that one email didn't get sent out today.
When we are so serious about perfection, we intimidate others and push them away even if we don't intend to. And the harder we try, the larger the separation between us and other people becomes. Others may view our perfectionism as something they can't compete with. No person is perfect, and if someone has enough self-awareness to know that, they may be inclined to stay away from a perfectionist. No one needs a constant reminder in their life that they aren't perfect and never will be. Every day I am thankful for my patient friends, family members, and my significant other as they tolerate my perfectionistic tendencies and love me through the daily struggle.
Dialing our perfectionism back is a quick fix, but finding the root of the problem is where we need to go for a more permanent solution. What is really going on in your life that you feel the need to be perfect all the time? Deep down, I know that I'm not perfect, but I always feel like I need to show some "perfect version" of myself to other people or else they won't like me or respect me or something.
You know what? People who truly love you will accept you no matter what. Period.
So we've established that perfectionism isn't really helping us. However, I know that it is not easy in any way to give it up. It's like an addiction, in a way - it's difficult to quit, gives you a sort of "high," and requires continual "use" to feed it. When you're a perfectionist, nothing less than the best will do. Ever. For me, I accept other people's imperfections but not my own. But I've realized how hypocritical that is. I'm hard on myself because of my desire to fit in and be loved (like most people), and this desire comes out in the form of my perfectionism. It probably comes from many other places than this, but at least it's a start. Where does your perfectionism stem from? Focus on the root of the problem and not just the symptoms. You have to dig deep, and it'll hurt. But I promise you that once you discover what's really going on, your life can begin to change for the better.
Hannah Montana said it best - nobody's perfect. So let's work it again and again 'til we get it right . . . or close.
