If I were a boy, I would pee on everything and anything. Having the ability to aim is a very dangerous, but wonderful thing.
If I were a boy, I would go hunting all the time. I would get about three hours of sleep just to wake up at four in the morning and spend all day aiming a gun in the distance, hoping to shoot at something moving. Or maybe just a tree. I just want to shoot things, honestly.
If I were a boy, I would think the woman in my life is the most beautiful yet obnoxious person on this planet. I would be so annoyed by her needy desire for constant attention. She would always be mad at me for small things and I probably wouldn't pick up on them because I don't know what is up from down. Like when she gets moody because I don't screenshot the endless selfies I get through Snapchat and post them as a WCW every Wednesday. Or when she says she doesn't want food so I don't order her any, but then she's in a mood because she doesn't have any food. Sometimes I feel like she's mad at me because I can't read her mind, but she knows at the end of the day that I would do anything for her. I would constantly have to tell her she's the most gorgeous girl on earth, my ex-girlfriend is still Satan, and that my parents like her (even if they really don't). I do these things because I know she needs to hear them, and I don't mind because somewhere in the black hole in my chest, I might actually love her.
If I were a boy I would drink. A lot. I would probably have a higher drinking tolerance and I would take advantage of it all the time. I would always choose to be responsible and never drive or put anyone in danger, which would mean I would be spending a lot of money on Ubers or Taxi cabs. I would also be buying everyone and their dog drinks and shots, so, in conclusion, I would be broke all the time.
If I were a boy, I feel like I would constantly keep having to say "I'm sorry." Sorry for always showing up late, sorry for not telling my girlfriend she looks beautiful every time I see her, sorry for forgetting to pay rent or misplacing my keys, sorry for farting in public and laughing about it, and for anything and everything I do. Because I'm a boy and apparently everything is my fault and I have to apologize. I don't mean to do these things, I'm sorry.
If I were a boy, I would have the cleanest selection of suits in my closet. I would have them all perfectly tailored to my size and they would all compliment each other. I would have an endless selection of ties, cufflinks, button downs, and shoes. I probably wouldn't have my life together, but at least I would look like I did.
If I were a boy I would pick up any item of clothing on the floor and put it on before I left the door. Does it match? Who knows. Does it smell? Probably. Did I wear the same thing yesterday? Not sure.
Lastly, If I were a boy I would do my hardest every day to be a better man. To work my hardest and to be respectful. To be kind to everyone, but know when to not be pushed over. I would show women that just because I'm a male I'm not a jerk. I would show effort in the relationships in my life and strive to be as successful as I can. I mean, how else can I afford the fast cars and expensive suits?
