Alfred Pennyworth, as many of us know, is Bruce Wayne’s loyal butler. He’s always dishing out life advice to Bruce, and life or death advice to Batman. He’s raised Bruce ever since he was a kid and he’s been pretty cool about his life choices. He allowed Bruce to go train with ninjas off in faraway lands. When Bruce returned and said "Hey Alfred, I want to dress up as a bat and fight crime", Alfred let him do it, instead of calling a mental health professional. He was instrumental in the location scouting of the Batcave. He didn’t even question Batman when he brought home a young orphan, made him dress up like a slutty boy scout, and forced him to fight crime on school nights. Overall, Alfred has been a pretty cool dude to Bruce.
"Alfred, I don't recall 'passing judgement' being listed in your job description.
It seems like Alfred's life is totally awesome; he gets to wear a cool tuxedo and hang out in a giant house filled with awesome gadgets, he gets a warm feeling of civic pride every time he helps Bruce track down a criminal, and he gets to be best friends with the gosh darn Batman. He's obviously paid well. In addition to being a full-time butler, he also probably receives a lot of "hush money" from Bruce to keep quiet about the whole vigilante thing. What could possibly be better than his life? Well, if you think about it, Alfred's life is pretty terrible, and his unwavering loyalty and tireless work ethic has dug him into a hole of servitude that no one could possibly crawl out of.
Everyone deserves some down time, right? When Batman is Batman, he’s out at night, getting attacked by dogs, punching criminals, and strategically knocking supervillains unconscious instead of killing them, because everybody needs a code. He deserves to take it easy every once in a while, right? That's why when Batman is Bruce Wayne, he’s hanging around his ludicrously giant house, sleeping with models, and trying to treat the injuries and near-constant brain trauma he suffers from. He basically lives the life of a retired NFL player before going broke. Life is sweet. In the Christopher Nolan movies it seems like the hardest part of being Bruce Wayne is finding time to attend his own parties. He essentially personifies the "work hard play hard" mentality.
Alfred's daily grind is a bit different, however. When Batman is Batman, Alfred is busy in the Batcave, helping him investigate crimes and making sure he’s safe. He performs tests on blood spatter and bullet trajectory. He helps him solve the Riddler’s stupid riddles. He’s constantly working behind the scenes to make sure Batman is punching the right people. Alfred is essentially the backbone to Batman's entire operation. When Bruce takes off the mask and puts on the robe and slippers, Alfred’s work schedule actually gets a lot more hectic. While Bruce is lounging around the bat-pool, Alfred is busy gassing up the Batmobile and Batplane, treating Bruce’s injuries, and calling in favors for somebody to discretely fix and wash the blood stains out of the Batman suit.In addition to being Batman's one-man pit crew/secretary, he also has regular butler duties to perform. Whats the worst thing your roommate has ever done to you house or apartment? Maybe they tracked in some mud, left a few wet towels on the bathroom floor, or threw up after a night of partying. The mess that Bruce Wayne must accumulate is a way more extreme version of your crappy roommate. Alfred has to clean blood and dirt out of carpets and bed sheets. He has to wrangle all of the bats that escaped from the cave and are hanging around the house. At some point during all of this he has to find time to cook Bruce three square meals a day. It’s not a glamorous life. When Alfred was hired by the Wayne family, he was hired to be a Butler. However, as soon as the parents dies and Bruce was left alone with Alfred, his job duties expanded far beyond that. He's now a mechanic, detective, physical therapist, personal driver, personal chef, laundry service, secretary, and an accessory to a giant list of crimes Batman has committed, on top of being a butler.
Beating up Superman: The easiest part of Alfred's day.
I know it's a tough economy and it's not uncommon to work two jobs to bring home the bacon; however, Alfred is depicted as an old man in the comics. In almost any incarnation of the Batman story, Alfred is somewhere between the ages of 60 and 70. I'm 22 and days where I have to go to three classes and a full shift at work make my want to curl up in a ball and cry. Just thinking about Alfred's schedule gives me anxiety. So while Batman is out earning all of the glory, we need to take time to appreciate the tireless and thankless work of Alfred Pennyworth, the hardest working man in comics.
