My recent case of the travel bug has lead me to encounter so many different kinds of seat partners on an airplane. I've seen the good, the bad, and the ugly -- but mostly the ugly. Here are the do's and don't's of air travel.
DO: Put down the armrest.
I don't want your sweaty arm lingering on my arm. Create a divider, please.
DON'T: Hog the armrest.
Either establish a mutual understanding that the armrest primarily serves as a border as strong as the Mexico-US wall Trump wants to create, or share.
DO: Smile and introduce yourself.
We're going to practically be family for the next two to 14 hours, so I would rather not call you "Plaid-Vest Man."
DON'T: Tell me your whole life story.
If I look approachable, let's talk! But for the love of all things good in the world, PLEASE don't tell me about your once removed, great-granddaughter's fiance's cat. I really don't care that much.
DO: Share the window.
The window is literally the exact size of your head, so when you have a perfectly, unobstructed view in your casual window seat, you don't need to shove your entire body as close as possible to the glass to see. The only thing I have to look at other than you is the sky. Unless you want me staring at your head for the next six hours, I ask for you to recline into a comfortable seating position so the both of us can happily look out there.
DON'T: Steal the window.
If you so desperately wanted this seat, you could have easily booked it, like me. There will be no leaning into my personal space for this view, please. See the aforementioned topic on sharing the window.
DO: Order whatever you want!
I don't care if you drink coffee, tomato juice, or tequila next to me.
DON'T: Bring on your own disgusting carry-outs.
Airplane food is selected in respect to the smells they produce. Therefore, please don't happily carry-on your leftover tuna sandwich, Panda Express, or clam chowder. I really don't want to suffer through the fish smell for the entirety of our plane ride.
DO: Shut your child up.
I get it. Your kid is excited about being in the sky. However, when your 10-year-old pride and joy is screeching about his ears not popping, it tends to disrupt the rest of us. I would rather not even have ears at that point. Please, kindly hush your child and we can all move on.
DON'T: Let your child look at/sneeze/cough/breath on me.
Teach them manners! There is no reason this kid should be coughing on my shoulder. I will catch something from this bacteria-ridden troll.
