I have an interesting relationship with my mother. I mean, there are good days and bad days. Now that I've been in college, there have definitely been much more good days since I was in high school. But, I definitely inherited some of her defiances and probably intentionally ignored most of her advice. Or at least, when I followed it, I'd definitely not give her credit for it. We just recently started having a relationship that works.
She's much more reserved about her feelings where I'm obnoxious; I'm kind of explosive and she's working much better with scheduled displays of emotions. We just have really different personality types. She's a Virgo and I'm a Leo. We've just always clashed. But now that I'm not living at the home full time and I've grown a little bit, I've been able to really appreciate some of the things she's told me over the years and can finally swallow my pride enough to give her the recognition she deserves. Thanks mom for all your suggestions and tips and lectures. Here are the six top pieces of advice that my mom gave me in high school.
1. Test-drive the car before you buy it. Sometimes people just aren't compatible even if they have satellite radio.
My mom told me this after Jehovah's Witnesses came to the door. They came with information about pre-marital sex in those super colorful magazines. They don't visit anymore, but I still think about my mom's advice a lot. Marriage is a big commitment. If you haven't lived a life together before creating a legal bond with someone then you really have absolutely no idea if you're going to have a fulfilling relationship once it starts to change.
Coming from such a religious family, this advice was revolutionary. Ultimately, my relationship is my business. I can choose to follow and ignore whatever advice I want. Marriage is a legal institution; at the end of the day what really matters is how fulfilling the relationship is for the people involved. Whether I get married or not get married, wait to have sex or have it right away or even not at all, it doesn't matter. Whatever I choose, as long as it's not hurting anyone, it doesn't make me a good person or a bad person.
2. Take a mental health day every quarter. Or more I guess. Only you can judge your mental health.
I'm an anxious person. It's not worth it to compromise your health just to get participation points. She'd also encourages me to take preventative mental health days. It's important to take time for yourself and sometimes you're going to get more out of staying in bed than going to 8 a.m. statistics.
3. "Unexpressed expectations always lead to disappointment, Katie" -- my mom quoting something she probably read in a book about mindfulness
She really drilled into me that communication is the most important aspect of any relationship. Communication isn't just talking, it's expressing and listening to everyone's emotional needs. It's being clear and making sure that your intentions match what you're actually saying. It's being able to say, "I'd really appreciate it if you could show your support by coming to my performance on April 16th and 17th" because people can self-involved and unobservant and if you hint at something there's no guarantee that they'll pick up on it.
4. You have to make people care about you sometimes.
I grew up during No Child Left Behind and had a year of Common Core in high school so my teachers were pretty tired and worn out. When I needed help, my mom would tell me that I need to ask for it. It's not that people don't care, whenever I'd ask for help I'd get it, it's that a lot of times people don't notice you need help. It's been really helpful in college too.
The professors that I go to their office hours or email questions to about their subjects are much more likely to give me extensions, write detailed letters of recommendation and send me opportunities like internship postings or research projects.
5. College is a buffet and you shouldn't limit yourself to one type of food.
On dating and relationships.
6. "Don't forget, it's part of your duties as a citizen in a democracy to call your representatives and harass them into keeping the internet open."
My mom definitely taught me that my voice matters. And I mean, she taught me enough about our government and the importance of participation that I eventually became a political science major.
I've been really lucky to have such great support. I just wish I was able to appreciate it more when I was growing up. But now, I'm finally starting to listen to my mom. And she's already helped me out more than she knows.
