Sometimes, it pays to have thick skin and be less sensitive to change and criticism than most people. For instance, when your friends tease you, it is easy to brush it off; or, if you have a fight with someone you don’t feel as hurt as they do. However, there are times when having thick skin can thwart your progress and backfire. This often happens when you need to console people or deal with another person’s sadness.

My best friend recently went through a breakup. Of course, this is devastating and not much can be said to make someone happy right after a breakup. But, as her best friend, I want to see her smile. I want to help her realize she will get over this guy. How do I go about doing this? My first thought is to tell her to go to the gym and workout while listening to angry music. This is how I move on from any so called tragedy in my life. 

After she sweats out the anger, I want to tell her to think about the big picture and to look towards the future. However, the problem is that the gym would probably make my friend sadder than if she had to go through the breakup all over again, and it is hard for her to think of the future, right now.  I want her to see that she is the one who decides how long she lets this bother her, but that’s not easy for everyone to see. I decided to come up with a short list of techniques to use in cases like this.   

1. Make them laugh. Post funny SNL sketches on their Wall, do your impression of Stitch, or watch a Jim Carrey movie together. You can’t help what they feel when you are not around, but when they are with you make sure they have a good time. Try to make them laugh and be happy even if it is only for an hour or two a day.

2. Have someone else do the talking. It has been established that you are not that great at the advice thing. You found this out when she started crying and you tried to crack a joke that neither of you laughed at. This is okay. Leave the talking to another friend. Some people know just what to say all the time. 

3. Build up their confidence. Think about what it is that makes you so resilient: confidence. When something bad happens to you, you probably just remind yourself how much you rock despite this roadblock. Do the same for your friend. Don't be fake and compliment everything she does. I am just saying it will help a lot to let them know how important they are to you, and that they are one of a kind. Confidence is important, not only in everyday life, but in stressful times when the little voice in the back of your head is telling you that you are not good enough. Help them shut up that little voice in their head.

4. Eat food together... a lot of food. This might be the most classic remedy for a breakup. Eating ice cream and drinking wine with your girlfriend on a couch can really do wonders. Go to dinner all dressed up, order a pizza (for each of you), treat yourself and treat you friend, even if it seems gluttonous. 

5. Focus on the future. The most important thing for someone to realize is that they will overcome this obstacle and they will feel happy again. Help your friend realize this by asking about her next step. Don’t stress her out about future plans for school, or a career; just see what plans she has for herself. Let her know that no matter what she does with her future, you will be there for her. You might not be the one to say the perfect words that make it all clear for her, but you will be her biggest fan and her most fun supporter.