I don't know what I would do without the Gamma Phi Circus at Illinois State. Every single week training with them I learn something new: a new trick, a new skill, a new life lesson.
Last year, my first year, I got the chance to perform as an aerialist in the cloud swing act. With the goal of becoming a well-rounded circus performer, I decided to branch out and start training a few acts outside of my comfort zone this year. As an aerialist, that basically meant anything that's not tied to the ceiling. So, naturally, I decided to try tight wire-- our only non-aerial act that's still technically in the air!
Training for the tight wire is a lot of trial and error. Every circus practice, you better count on falling. You wait in line for your turn to walk the wire, you'll climb up, take a few steps, and fall. Then you'll wait in line again, just to fall again. Some days, you'll fall with every single attempt. It can get pretty discouraging. So, here are a few tips to getting back up when you fall, as told by a tightrope walker:
1. Breathe
Before you get on the wire, breathe. When you take your first step, breathe. When you start to lose your balance, breathe. When you fall, take a moment, and breathe. Never underestimate the power of a good old-fashioned deep inhale and exhale. My teammate once called wire "one big choreographed panic attack", which I found hilariously true. It's no wonder the number one piece of feedback from my captains while I walk the wire is "Radiance, breathe!". Let your breath calm you and carry you. I promise it works, even in the toughest and scariest of situations!2. Style
Life's not just about getting back up after you fall-- it's also about how you fall. You have something to be proud of for putting yourself out there in the first place, and you show that with your "style", or the attitude you choose to hold and present to yourself and others. That's why in circus your performance doesn't end when you fall off the wire-- it keeps going while you hit the ground, get back up, and finish strong. When life gets to you, know that you are fully capable of coming back stronger than whatever knocked you down.
3. Smile
We get told all the time in the circus: even if you mess up, just style and smile it off. My captains don't care if I fall as much as they care about how I react to that fall. Am I going to beat myself up and let it get to me, or am I going to brush it off and keep on going? The circus is not easy, and even the best performers fall. Showing the audience you messed up and are upset only serves to get in your head and make you more upset. Smiling through a mistake doesn't just show professionalism and character, it makes you feel better. So go on, smile. Do it for yourself.
4. Celebrate yourself
This thing you're doing, it's hard stuff. Be proud of yourself when you hit your goal, and be proud of yourself even when you don't. Celebrate the little victories as well as the big ones. Be happy when you give a good fall just like you're happy when you give a good walk. Above all, stay positive. Have fun, for goodness sake. Why get all in your head when you could just enjoy the ride?
5. One step at a time
When you fall, you have to get back up. And when you get back up, you have to try again. Remember that sometimes it's best to go at it with everything you've got, but other times it's best to just take it slow. You don't have to feel pressure to leap right back into the thing that scared or hurt you. The other day I lost balance while sitting on the wire, and I fell face first to the ground. The reason I fell in the first place is that I was all in my head and scared of falling, so my coach suggested that I recalibrate. He took me back to the basics to help me build trust in myself again. The next few walks, I would just take a few steps and then jump off to get used to falling again. Then, I spent a few turns just walking all the way across the wire. Soon enough, I had enough confidence to re-try the thing that made me fall. You don't have to jump back into full swing right away, but you do have to start taking steps towards it. Even baby steps count, as long as you're moving forward.
6. Find your support system
My teammates know that this is hard stuff. Even if they can walk the wire in their sleep, they still never fail to high five you when you make it across. I hear my name along with words of encouragement when I'm fighting for balance, and they'll clap for me when I style after a fall. When I'm too scared to try a new trick, my mentor talks me through it for as much time as I need. When I panicked after a scary fall, my director helped me slow down my breathing. You deserve these kinds of people in your life-- people that support you, encourage you, lift you up, and generally want to see you succeed. You deserve friends and mentors that are there for you when you fall, time and time again. Don't be afraid to seek them out and lean on them.
Training for wire is a lot of falling down, and then getting right back up. My captains always remind me that wire is as much a mental battle as it is a physical one, if not more. You have to overcome your mind blocks and learn how to stay calm, focused, and balanced in the face of great fear and danger.
Training in the circus challenges me every day, as an athlete, as a performer, and as a human being. I'm forever thankful for the way Gamma Phi continues to push me to my edge, showing me that I can go way farther than the imaginary "limits" I think hold me down.
